That Mayoral Christmas Message in full

Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Mayor and Headmistress at the Hayloft Road Palace Retirement Home for Bemused and Bewildered BeFuddled Party ex-Teachers (and Others), Councillor Kelsey Dullard, has released her first Christmas message to residents.

After last year’s Mayoral Festive Message from Former Mayor and Professional Councillor, Fridgpond resident, Mark Facelift was noted for its brevity (“Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year“), this year residents are being asked to do their very best to stay awake until the end.

“Hello everyone, haven’t we all had a lovely year? I have been your Mayor and Headmistress for seven months now and we’ve had a lovely time. We would like to thank everyone in Smalltown for their lovely welcome. It’s been great.

We know we haven’t yet met all our new students face-to-face, but we’ve had a jolly good try, haven’t we, and we feel that we are really getting to find our way around Smalltown.

It’s always daunting when you start at a new school, isn’t it? You have a new uniform, shiny pencil case and you don’t know where all the classrooms are – let alone the toilets – so I’d like to thank everyone who has helped me to settle in. It’s been great.

We have shared lots of lovely cups of tea, both in the Hayloft Road staffroom and around Smalltown with our wonderful community and you’ve all done very, very well.

We’ve put in a lot of hard work too, working hard on lots of different projects, and I have really enjoyed seeing everyone trying their very best. Even if some of you didn’t try as hard as you could have done.

I will be having a word with some of you at the start of the new term in January to discuss some of the improvements I think could be made. In particular I will be having a chat with some of my new staff members, who seem to think that turning up and sitting through staff meetings is enough and that a further contribution is not required. I will be reminding them that we all need to pull together if we want to see results.

I will also be addressing the issue of bullying. When I took over as Mayor of Smalltown bullying was rife here in Hayloft Road Palace and the place had a bit of a reputation. I will be implementing tough anti-bullying rules and it is hoped that everyone will adhere to them.

Many residents have pointed out that the main culprit, Reproduction Technician and Head of Pen and Paper Distribution, Mr. S. Teflon, has been trying his best to disrupt some of you by withholding resources and keeping them all for himself. This sort of behaviour will not be tolerated and anyone caught acting in this manner could find themselves in detention, suspended or even expelled.

I would like to take this opportunity to say thank you to all the groups and organisations in Smalltown who have invited me along for a cup of tea. With extra thanks to those who included a slice of cake with the tea. It’s lovely to see so many of you make the effort. You are the people who make Smalltown a lovely place to live – so well done you. Hopefully next year there will be even more lovely cups of tea in the pipeline.

I look forward to seeing you all again in the New Year and would like to wish all residents of Smalltown a Happy Christmas and a peaceful New Year. Remember – it’s not the winning which is important, it’s the taking part.

Pardon? Oh yes. And the same to everyone in Dullbridge.

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