SaD Town Councillors fail test

Banish Barracuda, Head of Mathematics at Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council, has admitted that “Councillors still have a lot of work to do if they have any hope of passing their mathematics exam.”.

His words came after members of the Finance and Misappropriation Committee were set a simple question at the meeting on Monday. Cllr Barracuda introduced the task by posing the question “You see before you a number of requests for grants from organisations in Smalltown and Dullbridge. How much money will you have left in the budget once you’ve awarded them? Please show your workings.”

Professional Councillor Mark Facelift, from the Metropolis of Fridgpond, interjected “Excuse me, Cllr Barracuda, wouldn’t it help if we knew how much money we had in the budget first?”

Looking shocked, Cllr Barracuda admitted that he hadn’t thought of that and didn’t know the answer. The Smalltown New Administration Guru (SNAG), Katie Global, then rummaged through her paperwork and was able to confirm that the sum of £23,072.94p was available.

Councillors then got to work distributing the money between the poor, the needy, and those needing sandwich expenses, in the parish. A whopping £27,000 largesse was finally allocated, a full £3,927.06p more than was available.

Collecting up the test papers at the end of the meeting Cllr Barracuda congratulated the councillors for spending so much money in one go and announced that a further grant application meeting will be held early in 2023 to allocate the negative amount of funding still available in the pot.

Answer: Thanks to the happy-to-overspend-because-it’s-not-our-money BeFuddled Party-controlled SaDTC, there is a strong possibility that residents will see an increase in Council Tax in 2023. This will not help residents of Smalltown and Dullbridge, who will also be battling the upcoming cost of living crisis.

All test papers were returned to councillors marked ‘FAIL’.

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