Greetings chaps and chapesses (especially the chapesses), I’m here to introduce myself.
You may remember me as the editor of The Spectacles magazine, my appearances on TV, my time as Mayor of Londinium or perhaps even my most recent job as Prime Minster.
When my chum, SomersetClive Editor, Clive Saint, heard that I’d been unceremoniously sacked from my previous position, he wasted no time in offering me a job with this erstwhile publication, so that I can share my views on life in Smalltown and Dullbridge with you all.
Offering me the job, he explained that he won’t be able to actually pay me, but that he felt my contributions could help balance the political leaning of this jolly journal. Apparently, one of my fellow contributors is a BeFuddled Party member and ex-Councillor, Mr Fencesitter, and Mr Saint felt that I could redress any perceived bias by offering thoughts from an Illiberal Party member’s viewpoint.
He also felt that my being here could possibly help raise the public perception of local Illiberal Party Member, Squire Teflon, who allegedly has a reputation for being a liar, a womaniser, a trickster, a snake in the grass, a deceiver, an adulterer, a scoundrel, a rotter and a downright cad. He sounds like a jolly nice chap to me.
I’m looking forward to getting out and about in Smalltown and Dullbridge over the coming months, meeting the residents and chatting with them. Because, let’s face it, I don’t have anything else to do.