Continuing our Editor, Clive Saint’s guide to the glorious watering-holes of Smalltown.
The Sad & Desperate
Positioned on the end of Smalltown’s Main Street, this is a very traditional British boozer. Expect dreadful karaoke, occasional live music played so loudly that you can’t hear yourself drink, an air of barely contained menace, and glassy eyed stares from those of the clientele who have staggered outside for a cigarette and an argument.
The outdoor seating area offers a choice of picnic tables which have seen better days, with unrivalled views of Smalltown Main Street and, on a good night, you can expect a treat entertainment-wise, as you observe the antics of the local teenage yobs congregating on the benches opposite. Exhaust fumes from queuing traffic at the lights, combined with cigarette smoke provide a heady mix to tantalise the olfactory nerves.
Dogs are welcome on the furniture.
The Sad and Desperate is a popular destination for visitors to the nearby Hellhole Holiday Park, who think it might be a good idea to take a walk into Smalltown to see what the place has to offer and then find themselves in need of a rest after taking half an hour to get off the site.
Things tend to liven up at around 9pm at the weekends when the travelling Peruvian product entrepreneurs from Dullbridge start doing their trade.