Both the Really Needy Lifesaving Association (RNLA) and Smalltown Area Ship Hovercraft and Helicopter (SMASHH) have expressed their disgust after HM Coastguard called the Fire Service to the scene of an incident on Smalltown Beach at the weekend.
A member of the public dialled 999 after spotting an Idiot up to his knees in mud, having successfully ignored all the ‘Danger’ warning signs on the beach.
A spokessiren for the Fire Service said “On receiving the call we immediately despatched as many vehicles and crews as possible to the scene. Unfortunately, despite the number of crew members and assorted vehicles we still had no way to reach the Idiot without getting our feet wet, so we had no option but to ask SMASHH for help.
Our Specialist Rescue Team put on their waterproofs and waders and two of our crew members then pulled rank and muscled their way onto the SMASHH Hovercraft so that we could claim credit for rescuing the Idiot.
We were able to reach the Idiot and extract him from the mud before the rest of the entire Somerset Fire Brigade arrived on the scene, but we all had a lovely day out at the seaside building sandcastles and eating ice cream.”
“I don’t know what the Coastguard were thinking”, said a spokesperson for the RNLA. “We should always be the first port of call, what does this have to do with the Fire Brigade? It wasn’t a fire or a cat stuck up a tree.”
A member of SMASHH said “It was ridiculous really. Although the Fire Service’s Specialist Rescue Team arrived first on the scene, they forgot to bring their own Hovercraft, so asked if they could borrow ours. We have our own Specialist Rescue Team, complete with Hi-viz waterproofs, but after a heated ten minute discussion on the shoreline with members of the Fire Service, we were told that they weren’t needed. We weren’t even allowed to give the Idiot our usual Safety Talk about the perils of the seaside.
After the Idiot was safely on dry land and whilst the Fire Service were enjoying their ice cream, we returned to our base to hose down our equipment. We had to send out for our own ice creams, because the Fire Service wouldn’t share theirs.”