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As the new producers of popular soap opera ‘Smalltown and Dullbridge EastStreetDaleNeighbours’ take over the reins at Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD Town Council, it’s time to wave goodbye to more than half of the previous cast members.
As we wave them off into the distance here’s a brief reminder of all the wonderful contributions they made to Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council.
Cllr Dick Trolley – remember the iron sign? No, Dick Trolley didn’t want you to. Least said, soonest mended.
Cllr Will Football – an active member of the SaDTC planning committee – especially when it came to matters close to his heart and his own industrual estate.
Cllr Fawn Fairy – established the highly successful and completely unattended SaD Youth Council. Even the offer of free lollipops for all failed to spark any interest amongst the youth of Smalltown and Dullbridge.
Cllr Handy Bodge – wore his Deputy Mayoral chains with pride and could often be spotted alongside the Town Mayor in the guise of Secret Service bodyguard, with dark glasses and ear piece.
Cllr Mandy Pennyfarthing – a rarity amongst Illiberal Party councilors – a man with morals. Possibly the reason his nomination papers for reelection were ‘lost’ by Squire Teflon and Mistress Bones.
Cllr Paulette Lostfield – Who? SomersetClive believes she may have attended a meeting or two, but we honestly can’t remember.
Cllr Fencesitter – you could always rely on Cllr Fencesitter to speak up at meetings, although his words may not have borne any relevance to the matter under discussion. Despite being the leader of the opposition, Fencesitter always agreed with Squire Teflon.
Cllr Mrs Fencesitter – often raised concerns about external paint colours during planning meetings. Concerns which were always ignored by Sadgebore District Council when they made the final decision on planning applications.
Cllr Fliss Fallen – best remembered for suggesting that the town council should ‘get shot of Hayloft Road Palace’.
Cllr Eloise Barking – brought her expertise as former owner of the themepark ‘SmalltownLand’ to the White Elephant Enclosure Management Committee and watched on as the losses soared.
Cllr Jane NotBothered – couldn’t be bothered to put her constituency of Dullbridge first – unless she was required to wear a big hat and cut a ribbon. The producers have axed Jane and given her role to her husband, Robert.
And let’s not forget the behind-the-scenes-staff departures:-
The Smalltown Head Administration Guru, Tanya Summer – tried her best to keep the worst of the Squire’s excesses under control, not always easy when he’s such a con artist.
Smalltown and Dullbridge Smalltown Administration Deputy (SADSaD) – decided to leave after realising she had been left to hold the fort and answer all the phones when everyone else abandoned her.
Smalltown Head of Accounts and Malfeasance (SHAM) – departed after Squire Teflon asked her to ‘microwave the books’ because cooking them wasn’t fast enough for him.
Smalltown Media and Uproar Genius – Gilly Duty-bound – Gilly had a difficult job to begin with ‘Put a positive spin on everything the Town Council does’ being the order of the day. The SMUG left when that proved to be an impossible mission.
SomersetClive wishes them all the best as they join the queues of out of work actors seeking employment.