The story so far…
Squire Teflon has helped Mistress Bones with funding for her dream to bring a world record beating Olympic-sized combined swimming pool and ice rink to Smalltown, in return for a favour or two or 16,000. They have agreed to keep their relationship a secret from significant others, friends and the residents and electorate of Smalltown.
Chapter Five.
She nuzzled his neck, or what would have been his neck, if he had one. “Oh my Squire. You were magnificent.”
“Thank you my love. I’ve never had any complaints.”
“Really? You surprise me. No one has ever mentioned how small it is before? But I didn’t mean that. I meant at the meeting this evening. You were magnificent at the meeting. So in command. So masterful. So strong.”
“Oh. That. Well, I told you it would be easy. You just let me know if you need anything else. Your wish is my command. Fancy another leg over? I’ll go on top this time, I’m feeling a little…deflated.”
Mistress Bones rolled onto her back. “Well, now you mention it my little love Squirell, I’ve been thinking. What we really need is a giant opening party, with games and stalls and music and lights and fireworks and bells. A friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend thinks we may be able to get a contestant no one has ever heard of (and if they ever had they’ve forgotten who he is now) from that TV show ‘The Zzzzz Factor’ to perform for us. This would really put Smalltown on the map and make my shop the number one destination for visitors.”
The Squire briefly paused his thrusting. “How, how, how much?”, he stuttered, before pushing forwards and backwards again.
“I think another £3k should cover it.”
“Three (thrust) thousand? (thrust) I (thrust) will (thrust) have (thrust) to (thrust) see (thrust) what (thrust) I (thrust) can (thrust) do (thrust), but (thrust) I’m (thrust) sure (thrust)”, as he neared the climax of his sentence the Squire’s words got faster, until he finally blurted out “it won’t be a problem.”
“Oh Squirelly, thank you so much. I’ll use some of the money to buy us some matching Christmas jumpers. We are going to look so CUTE and no one who sees us in our matching Christmas jumpers will realise we are a couple. It’s the perfect disguise.”
Squire Teflon, lying on the bed beside her, panted his agreement.” Yes. No one must ever know about our special relationship. Otherwise people may start asking questions, and that would never do. I really shouldn’t use council money to do favours for friends, but if people don’t know that we are friends it isn’t a problem. So we must ensure that people never find out.”
“Never?” She sounded crestfallen and her bottom lip quivered.
He spotted the lip quivering and wondered if he could make use of it. “Well, perhaps not never. I mean who knows what the future will bring? Perhaps, in ten years time, there will be an All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset County Council and you and I will both be elected in Smalltown Posh. We can command a double salary and expenses and I will be crowned Chairman and given my own throne and you can sit beside me. Then I will be able to make an honest woman of you.”
She smiled at him “Oh my Secret Squirelly Squirelliness, you have such a great imagination. That is so funny. It’ll never happen, will it?”
I feel sick.