The story so far…
Squire Teflon has offered to help Mistress Bones with funding for her dream to bring a world record beating Olympic-sized combined swimming pool and ice rink to Smalltown, in return for a favour or two or 16,000
Chapter Three.
He banged the table in front of him crossly and the faces assembled at the pre-meeting meeting turned to look at him.
“Right you lot, during the meeting tomorrow my close-friend Mistress Bones…”
“ANOTHER close-friend?” interjected a voice to a round of sniggers from everyone in the room.
The Squire fixed the culprit with a steely eye “I can’t help it if women find me irresistible, can I? DON’T interrupt me. As I was saying, my close-friend Mistress Bones will address the meeting to ask for a grant of £16,000 to fund her World record beating, Olympic-sized swimming pool and ice rink, on behalf of her group the Smalltown and Dullbridge Duplicated Events Social Team (SaDDEST).
I know this sounds like an awful lot of money, but you will support this request because I’ve told you to.”
The faces meekly nodded their agreement.
Later that evening, in the confines of a car with steamed up windows, he asked “Did the car move for you, my lovely?”
“No.”
“Never mind, I have news that will see you more satisfied than anything I can give you. Your grant has been approved!”
“What? Really? How is that possible? The meeting hasn’t even been held yet.”
“Don’t worry your pretty little ahead about that! Start writing out your shopping list.”
“Oh thank you! My world-record breaking Olympic sized swimming pool and ice rink is just what is needed to attract people to my Tat and Newspaper Emporium. How can I ever repay you?”
“I’m sure I can think of something. Now, I need to make one thing quite clear. No one must know about our special relationship. Particularly my council colleagues, members of the Illiberal Party, the electorate of Smalltown, oh, and my wife.
There may be times when I need to divert attention from our arrangement, so I don’t want you to get upset if you hear stories about me flirting with, holding hands with, or even sleeping with other women. It’s all part of my diversionary tactics.
Despite what I may tell them, those women mean absolutely nothing to me. Not even my adoring town clerk, Patriana Wont. I’ve let her believe that she and I have something special going on and if she finds out about you she may seek revenge by revealing the contents of the Hayloft Road closet or she could even get so upset that she moves to Cornwall.”
“I understand. I won’t tell a soul.”
“Tonorrow night I want you to squeeze yourself into your tightest dress and explain your proposal to the meeting. You won’t have to go into too much detail, a quick ‘Give me lots of money’ will do it. If anyone from the BeFuddled Party queries it, leave it with me. I’ll explain that there’s no risk and after the incredibly successful event brings in lots of money, the grant will be repaid back into council coffers. That should do the trick.
Now, see if you can get it up. I may be ready to go again.”