Squire Teflon has announced his intention to celebrate the news that the White Elephant Enclosure has made a profit by applying for Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council grant funding to commission and erect a statue of himself at the entrance to the WEE.
“I believe that, as the saviour of the WEE, it is only right that I be cast in bronze and erected outside the venue that I’ve saved for the nation. I am positive that my fellow councillors will agree with my proposal, as disagreement will lead to ostracisation.”
SomersetClive asked the Squire if he had a design in mind and he told us “Yes. I’ve had a word with the members of the Smalltown and Dullbridge Society of Artists, Ceramicists and Sculptors (SADSACS) and they’ve given me a few ideas.
I think my statue should be based on one of the great masterpieces – perhaps Michelangelo’s ‘David’ – although some parts on my version may need to be reproduced larger than life.
I’m also thinking that it might be quite nice to include my close-friend Mistress Bones, in honour of her incredible work bringing her world record beating, Olympic-sized combined penguin pool and ice rink to Smalltown. With that in mind I’ve been considering a more Rubenesque version of Rodin’s ‘The Kiss’.
I’ve asked the members of SADSACS to come up with some prices for me and they seem fairly confident that £94,000 should cover the cost – a sum which, coincidentally, is the same amount that SaDTC spend on the WEE every year. More money well spent, I’d say.”