Squire Teflon has announced that he will resume his campaign to bombard every residence in Smalltown Posh with Illiberal Party literature ‘very soon’ .
During a recent phone call to SomersetClive he said “I did have to call a temporary ceasefire in my leaflet campaign due to the terrible weather, but my troops and I will be back pounding the streets very soon. Every home in Smalltown Posh will soon have received my first missive, featuring both myself and my close-friend Mistress Bones, as we strive to bring democracy to the area. It is important that all residents realise that they have to vote for us.
There are still several pockets of resistance in the area – those who immediately deposit our leaflets in their recycling bins – and we need to show these residents that we will take them by force if need be, by increasing our campaign in these areas.”
SomersetClive understands that the Squire is currently holed up in Hayloft Palace, from where he is sending late night threatening emails to those who incur his wrath.
One recipient told SomersetClive “The darkest hour is before dawn. By then he’s consumed a vast amount of Albanian Whiskey and this only increases his paranoia. Yesterday he sent me three emails within the space of fifteen minutes. One told me that I should ‘stand aside now’ , and a further email told me to keep quiet because being a Councillor is his only source of income. The third email included a video of him playing with his d*ck. There is no doubt in my mind that the man is deranged.”
SomersetClive will be bringing you the latest updates on this volatile situation as it progresses.
Being deranged seems to be a common problem amongst our politicians lately. Maybe we we should re-open Tone Vale.
Oh! They built houses on it! Never mind, we’ll think of something.