The Squire & The Mistress start the race

Local members of the Illiberal party are to be weaponised this weekend on behalf of Squire Teflon and Mistress Bones to begin their campaign for election to the All-New-Yet-Unimproved-Somerset Cuonty Council.

Whilst no formal announcement has been made, SomersetClive understands that the Squire and the Mistress were indeed selected by a chosen few Illiberal party members during their annual convention to Bream earlier this month as representatives for the Smalltown Posh area.

Any person so interested in supporting the campaign should meet at the Eastlawn cemetery. The Illiberal Party has chosen not to comment about whether being dead is a required quality for the voters of the Squire & the Mistress. However, all participants will be required to sing the campaign song at the start of the day to the tune of ‘The Red Car and the Blue Car had a Race’:

The Squire & The Mistress start the race
For seven years they’ve felt a warm embrace
They wreck everything they see
From Fetes to Christmas Trees
But local blues just look the other way

They’re looking for some Council Seats
Salaried Twice
Cos a paperboy’s wage isn’t very high


Oh no! The gravy train has gone. The Squire & the Mistress just can’t carry on
As the local blues looked the other way.

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