Move to secure votes

In what could be seen as a cynical move to gain votes in the upcoming elections, Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Councillors agreed to a tiny reduction in Council Tax bills for the next financial year.

“By reducing taxpayers bills by 94p a year we will be able to use the phrase ‘Your Illiberal Party candidates cut your council tax‘,” said Town Mayor, Mark Facelift. “With any luck they will be so grateful to save this amount they will vote for us in their droves.”

“Hopefully they won’t notice that the other councils, together with the police and fire authorities will increase their share three-fold, but even if they do realise, we will still come out looking like the good guys.”

“Whilst we are expecting our town council energy bills to rise by about £9,400 this financial year, we can’t expect our staff and councillors to carry out their important business huddled up against the cold, so it’s imperative that we have the heating on full at all times. We’ve identified ways that we can jiggle the books and move some money around to cover this. Obviously energy costs will also rise for residents, but they should be able to use the 94p saving to pop to a pound shop and buy a candle.”

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