A spokespeasant for Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council released a statement last night regarding the forthcoming meeting of the Town Destruction Committee:
“Due to the uncertain public health situation, we have decided to cancel the upcoming meeting of this committee. Most of our members are regarded as Clinically Morally Vulnerable, and we don’t want to risk having to weasel our way out of yet another by-election should one of them fall victim to a stray conspiracy theory“
When asked how the business planned for the meeting would be transacted, the visibly agitated representative told SomersetClive:
“We have robust contingency arrangements in place. These include The Squire making ad-hoc decisions himself when required, and a range of dubious local groups and committees which he can enlist to do his bidding. The council is increasingly unnecessary, and we’re considering reducing the number of members to save money. Our calculations indicate that the optimum number of seats would be one“
This follows the news that prospective candidates for the role of The Squire’s new friend will be subject to mandatory virus testing before taking up their post. They will be required to undertake a daily LFT (Liberal Flaw Test) to ensure that they are not likely to infect The Squire with humanity or decency.