Mrs Ethel Bonkers, a regular at the Pebblers Plastic Garden Emporium, has expressed her shock after discovering a small leafy thing on sale at the popular store during a recent shopping trip.
“I regularly drive my Kia Pride at 15 mph to Pebblers, to buy fudge, a nice scarf or two, some marmite gin and some slacks and to eat a toasted tea cake.“
“As it is nearly Christmas I popped in to spend my winter fuel allowance on 20 kilos of assorted baubles and remaindered book on the Third Reich for my husband Derek, who is a keen amateur historian and closet Nazi.
“When I arrived I discovered that next to the biscuit department there was a small but disgusting leafy thing close to the shortbread. It quite turned my stomach”
A spokescactus for Pebblers apologised for the distress the item, described as a ‘houseplant or shrub’ , had caused Mrs Bonkers.
“It is not our policy to expose our customers to organic growing matter as we know the distress it can cause. We have destroyed the ‘plant’ with a flamethrower and scattered the remains in a controlled explosion. Flamethrowers from our Sheng-du Plant Destruction Collection start at £34.99.”
They added: “Planning conditions? What planning conditions?”
A spokesperson for Sadgebore District Council said: “They can sell what they want, as long as they pay business rates”