Whilst the SomersetClive staff have been off work due to suffering from Smalltown and Dullbridge Fear, Anxiety and Crisis Epidemic Syndrome (SaDFACES) it has emerged that staff and Councillors at Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council have been confirmed to have contracted a bout of a similar affliction.
Doctor Harry Shipman from Smalltown Medical Centre said “Councillors and staff of SaD Town Council have all been diagnosed with a rare illness. Smalltown and Dullbridge Forever And Ever Communicating Excrement Syndrome (SaDFAECES) is the complete opposite of SaDFACES as, rather than retreating into a world of silence, those infected with SaDFAECES can’t stop talking sh*t.
Over recent weeks the disease has spread like wildfire through the Hayloft Road Palace Retirement Home for Bemused and Bewildered BeFuddled Party ex-Teachers (and Others). Whilst the virus has always been found in the Town Council office and has reared its head on previous occasions, to wit – World Record Breaking Olympic Sized Swimming Pool and Ice Rink, Welcome to Smalltown signs – however experts had believed that a new bunch of Councillors would bring their own immunity.
Unfortunately this has not been the case and the virus has proved to be immune to all attempts to eradicate it, with the result that all Councillors are now infected and are now unable to make sensible decisions.
Instead they are only now capable of discussing matters which they know nothing about, but due to being ravaged by the disease they are able to talk total sh*t, this convincing themselves and others that any decisions made are indeed rational and not the result of being completely useless.”
Members of the public are being advised to steer well clear of Hayloft Road in case they are also infected. Symptoms of SADFAECES include saying “It is good” about everything, agreeing that spending lots of money on nothing is money well spent, nodding blankly in agreement when confronted with anything not understood, and truly believing that the White Elephant Enclosure is an asset.
In an attempt to stop the spread telephone lines at Hayloft Road were disconnected yesterday whilst a full decontamination was carried out.