Following the shock revelation that press agencies around the world issued SomersetClive with a ‘Kill Notice’ last week, SomersetClive Editor Mr Clive Saint, Sir, reached out to SomersetClive Editor Mr Clive Saint, Sir, for comment and he told himself “Like many professional journalists, I do occasionally experiment with editing. I wanted to express my apologies for any confusion recent articles in SomersetClive caused.
I published those stories in good faith. My entire staff had gone on strike because they were fed up of having to report on the inadequacies and completely ridiculous decisions made by Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council and to be honest I don’t blame them. It’s soul-destroying work.
So really I had no choice but to use Artificial Intelligence to compose articles. We didn’t receive a single complaint from our readers, most of whom didn’t even appear to notice that an entire week’s content had been written by a machine and not a human – such was the incredible job Art E. Fisher made of the task.
However, after intense negotiation with the members of SCANDALOUS (SomersetClive Against News Detailing All the Lies and OUtrageous Stupidity) I am delighted to announce that an agreement has been reached.
All members of staff will be given an extra 0.01 pence per day, rising to 0.02 pence per day if they submit anything relating to the sheer incompetence of either SaD Town Council or the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Council. The Clive Newsgroup was unable to make a more substantial offer as so much incompetence surrounds both Councils that our staff would soon be millionaires.
In addition, staff will be expected to report on a daily basis as to whichever bandwagon BeFuddled Party SaDFUC Prospective Missing Person, Clara Scullery, has hitched herself to. It has been agreed that they may take turns to do so, as to assign one reporter to the task will quickly lead to burnout.”
Members of SCANDALOUS have assured SomersetClive Editor, Mr Clive Saint, Sir, that they will be reporting for reporting duties when they feel like it and not before.