Smalltown and Dullbridge Headmistress, Mayor and Dictator Cllr Kelsey Dullard is looking for the names of several young people in the town who are to be the recipients of one of her ‘I am Good‘ badges.
Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council is inviting nominations for the awards, which will be presented at a glitzy ceremony for invited guests and friends of the Dictator only. Applications must be made on yet another overly-complicated form produced by the Smalltown Administration Guru (SAG), Katie Global.
The form requests the name, address, telephone number, email address and shoe size of both the person nominating and the nominee.
In addition a 940 word essay giving reasons for the nomination must be included. Helpfully some patronising ideas for how to write the essay are included.
1) What nice activities has your nominee undertaken? Include what they did during their summer holidays, with reference to the specific activities you are nominating for. For example, did they spend time hanging around in Chateau Gardens or Pinnacle Park or do they love school even more than Dictator Dullard? Did they hand their homework in on time for 94 consecutive days?
2) Why did your nominee decide to do that? Was it because it was a quiet place to consume alcohol or for some other reason? What sparked their interest to get involved in the first place? Was it because there’s nothing to do in Smalltown and Dullbridge after school?
3) Describe the impact your nominee’s activities have had on the lives of others. Examples of impact for different types of social action could include:
Fundraising – how did they raise the money to buy cider?
Volunteering – to go into the shop to purchase cider and tobacco products.
Campaigning – did they act alone or undertake their activities as a gang designed to look intimidating as they mounted a campaign of vandalism and harassment throughout the area?
Care work – give examples such as scaring elderly people after dark, leaving empty cider cans behind when they leave an area or throwing rocks at ducks.
4) How has the nominee taken ownership of their activities? Did they own up to their activity or slink away home shouting “It weren’t us” when confronted by Somerset Police.
Applications must be received by the 13th March and will be marked by Dictator Dullard with a red pen.