Residents in the new Smalltown and Dullbridge, Fridgpond Unitary Constituency (SaDFUC) have recently been treated to not one, but two missives from the Illiberal Party’s Lord Rashley Pox, which suggests he may well have information which the BeFuddled and Working Man’s Parties don’t.
Both leaflets make much of the ‘wonderful‘ job Prime Minister Sushi Runak and his government are doing, with a lot of empty vague promises about extra police, extra doctors and extra nurses, all of which are yet to materialise, especially when there are national shortages of each.
Lord Pox doubles down on these claims and adds a few of his own to personalise the leaflets and try to tempt the electorate to vote for him.
SomersetClive spoke to Lord Pox to ask him about his plans for Smalltown and Dullbridge.
“I’m glad you’ve asked me that. Firstly, it’s good news for people in {insert name of constituency here} as the Illiberal Party have recently {insert something about Illiberal policies which benefit residents here – make it up if you need to}.
My family come from {insert reference to place your second-cousin, thrice removed once lived for a fortnight which is in the relevant constituency} , so I have strong links to {insert name of constituency here} .
To show you what a great Missing Person I’d be for the {insert name of constituency here}, we’ve wheeled out a previous incumbent of the position, who hasn’t actually held the position since 2001.
If I am elected as the representative for {insert name of constituency here} I shall endeavour to work as hard as {insert name of previous-previous Missing Person, who hasn’t been a Missing Person for over 20 years} did to represent the constituency when he was the Missing Person all those years ago – that is – not a lot of work at all.”
Very much former Missing Person Tim Joking said “I am delighted that.. sorry.. what’s his name again, I’ve forgotten, has been.. what has he done? I’ve forgotten. What’shisname will do a… What’s he going to do? Are you my nurse? Can I have a bedpan please? Is it bingo in the communal area tonight? Have you seen my glasses? I’ve forgotten where I put them. Matron? Matron!”
As well as promising to improve health services, policing, public transport and supporting local businesses via Michael Weasel’s Levelling Down funds, Lord Pox also promises to ensure that ‘all new housing developments are built in the right places’, something which the previous Illiberal-led Sadgebore District Council believed translated to ‘build on every square inch of Dullbridge without providing the necessary infrastructure.’