Squire Teflon received an early Christmas present last night, as he opened another window on his ‘Advent Calendar of Sh*t’, to reveal that Illiberal Party Candidate Al Incendiary had won the Dullbridge by-election by two votes.
After the count Al Incendiary said “I’m delighted to be the new SaD Town Councillor for Dullbridge, and can assure all residents that I will give the town the same amount as attention as a Parish Councillor as I do as a Cuonty Councillor – i.e. no attention at all.
I’d like to thank Squire Teflon for his support, his wide selection of wigs, false noses and beards, and dresses meant that he was able to vote for me 179 times and certainly helped me to secure the win.”
Teflon’s ‘Advent Calendar of Sh*t’, his latest campaign to destabilise the BeFuddled Party’s hold on Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council, by springing regular surprises on the BeFuddleds is bearing fruit, with the Squire having already encouraged them to spend an over budget amount on Christmas Lights, before unplugging the lights just before Dictator Dullard switched them on at the Smalltown Christmas Lights Switch On Event, as well as encouraging them to spend an over budget amount on the Most Expensive Christmas Trees in the World, before pushing the Smalltown Christmas Tree over.
This latest surprise sees Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council left with a hung council, as neither BeFuddleds or Illiberals have a majority and the race will now be on to secure In-It-For-Himself Party Cllr Robert Not-Bothered’s vote by promising him he can be Mayor. Squire Teflon will also need to ensure that his fellow Illiberals, Prue Hairdresser and Saul Synn, turn up to meetings in order to continue to wreak havoc.
Teflon’s next move will be to encourage Town Councillors to approve the WEE budget, as well as take on all the services on offer from the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Scrooge Cuonty Council, increasing the SaD Precept by 94% percent, before reminding residents that the Illiberal Party hadn’t increased SaD Council Tax since 1846.