With only a few days to go before voters in Dullbridge head to the polls to mark their X in the box next to their preferred candidate to fill the space on Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council, after Captain Rumm tendered his resignation, the candidates will be out in force this weekend making a last ditch attempt to secure votes. Residents are advised to stay indoors and to keep their doors and windows locked
Today SomersetClive takes a look at what the BeFuddled Party candidate, Lorna Barmy, brings to the table. Fierce, promises to do for Dullbridge if elected.
“I’m going to say that I want to make Dullbridge a better place to live. I mean, I’d be stupid to admit that no one can really make Dullbridge a better place to live, especially as most of my fellow BeFuddled Councillors still don’t know where Dullbridge is.
I love living in Smalltown. It’s not far from Dullbridge and there are some great groups and businesses in Smalltown.
I tick lots of boxes for a lot of people. I can help Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council meet their promised diversity quota, and to not vote for me will mean voters in Dullbridge are bigots.
One of the areas I’m really concerned about is the state of the pavements in the area. I would like SaDTC to repave all the pedestrian areas, and this should definitely be one of the services the town council take on from the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Scrooge Cuonty Council. We could then spend all the money we get from increasing SaD Council Tax by a billion percent on new pavements. Rainbow pavements would be great.
I really want to speak out for the people who can’t speak for themselves – the oppressed, the minorities and the poor. Or in other words, the residents of Dullbridge. I’m a member of the Pride – a Really Unique Diverse Event (PRUDE) so I want to represent members of the LGBTQWERTY community as well.
Oh yes. And I love animals. All animals. Lions, Giraffes, Bears, Tigers, Quokkas, White Elephants, Rabbits, Toads and Yaks. Not to mention puppies, kittens and Unicorns. A vote for me means I won’t kick the puppies or kittens. You have been warned. If you don’t vote for me the puppies and kittens get it.
I promise that I will promote Dullbridge High Street, even though I’ve made the same mistake as the BeFuddled Party Prospective Missing Person, Clara Scullery, and have called it ‘High Street’ rather than Merchant Street. I will also support local initiatives for people struggling with the Cost of Living Crisis by agreeing with my fellow BeFuddleds to increase Council Tax to fund the White Elephant Enclosure. To not do so means facing the wrath of our overlords Dictator Dullard and Deputy Dictator Cruella Sherry.
I’d also like to see improvements made to the flower beds, with some colourful rainbow planting schemes to match the colourful rainbow pavements. Won’t that be great?
Vote for me as your new Dullbridge Counsellor. And don’t forget that I know where you live and will run you over with my mobility scooter if I find out you didn’t vote for me.
There. That’s great isn’t it? Dictator Dullard is going to be really proud of me.”