Smalltown and Dullbridge saw an outbreak of mass hysteria this week, with residents spotted foaming at the mouth and dancing wildly in the streets.
A spokessiren for the emergency services said “We received a telephone call at 08.37hrs, notifying us of an incident in Smalltown and Dullbridge. We immediately sent 18 fire engines, one mobile fire support unit, an extending ladder and our Fire Rescue Specialist Office. Somerset Police attended the scene with 94 police cars, four mobile incident vehicles and a police tank. Somerset Ambulance service sent every double-crewed ambulance in the South West, four air ambulance helicopters, 36 paramedics and a mobile hospital to the scene.
There was additional support from Smalltown Area Ship, Hovercraft and Helicopter (SMASHH) and the Really Needy Lifesaving Association (RNLA). We didn’t ask for either of these two to attend, but they were listening in on the police radio frequency and came anyway.
On arrival we immediately surveyed the scene and began to treat the casualties, many of whom had fainted from excitement.”
Eyewitness Percy Mower said “I was out watering my garden when I saw the commotion. People were crowding the streets, punching the air and shouting ‘Yes, yes, YES!’ I’ve never seen anything like it in my life, and I’m 267 years old.”
Mrs Sharon Dribble added “You couldn’t move in Dullbridge, there were people everywhere, jumping up and down on the spot and screaming. I think every resident had come out of their homes to join the clamour.”
Over-zealous Carnivoo Marshalls were spotted coning off all the streets in Smalltown and Dullbridge and Smalltown Coastguard turned up to issue beach safety advice.
The emergency services confirmed that 494 people had been treated for hysteria, with paramedics administering several short, sharp, slaps to the cheeks of those affected.
The spokessiren later confirmed “This was an excellent example of a coordinated multi-agency response. We had the situation under control within five hours.” Once we were satisfied that the emergency situation had come to an end we all returned to our bases to hose down our equipment.”
It later emerged that the stampede had been caused by the news that McBurger has been granted planning permission to build a fast food restaurant in Dullbridge.
thought you were talking about the man on the roof.