CliveNation in conjunction with SomersetClive is proud to present the Christmas Pantomime, with an all-star cast and seats more comfortable than those at the White Elephant Enclosure, we invite you to join us for an amateur production of the world premiere of The Princess and the Forty Thieves. Showing thrice daily.
Our story opens deep in the heart of Somerset, where the Squire of Teflon rules the sleepy little villages of Smallvillia and Dullford with a rod. Of iron.
The Squire is used to getting his own way and woe-betide anyone who foils his plans for the Squire is not to be crossed.
Act One. Scene Ten.
The villagers are still assembled on the village green, stunned by the words of the Magnificent Princess Wrangler of the First Order. A brave villager steps forward to confront the Squire.
Villager (Tiny Timham) – I am ashamed to be here really, but I feel I have no choice. You’ve spent far too much money on that Princess.
Squire – Oh no I haven’t.
Villagers – Oh yes you have.
Villager – Oh yes you have. And worse you are proposing to spend even more on her. When are you going to face up to the fact that this is all a waste of our hard earned taxes?
Squire – Oh no it isn’t.
Villagers – Oh yes it is.
Villager – Oh yes it is. Every year we gather here on the village green and listen to you tell us how lucky we all are to have a Princess and how she will start to make money for us soon but every year you tell us she’s going to need more of our money. You can’t keep doing this.
Squire – Oh yes I can.
Villagers (sadly) – Oh yes he can.
Villager – Oh no you can’t. This is a deprived village, we can’t afford to keep paying for her. This needs to stop now. You need to stop now.
Squire – Oh no I won’t.
Villagers (sadly) – Oh no he won’t.
Squire – You haven’t got a clue what you’re talking about. The Princess brings a great deal of joy to a lot of people.
Villagers – Oh no she doesn’t.
Squire – Oh yes she does. You clearly have no idea what goes on with the Princess. In fact I don’t think I have ever seen you anywhere near her. The actual value to this village of the things that the Princess does is astonishing. We do have members of staff. We’ve got two and half members of staff trying to encourage her and they do a fantastic job. You really must see some of the fantastic health and well being that goes on. That is priceless in there. You haven’t got a clue what goes on behind behind the scenes.
Villagers – Oh no we haven’t.
Villager – All I know is she’s a liability not an asset.
Squire – You are making yourself look very silly. If owning a Princess was that easy and that cheap everyone would have one. We have a new Magnificent Princess Wrangler of the First Order now and she specialises in making Princesses pay their way, so I’m confident that this time next year the losses will be less.
Squire exits stage left, villagers exit stage right. The lights dim.