‘Cobbled together by a monkey with a calculator’

As Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Councillors prepare to meet tonight to cast their inexperienced eyes over the Town Council budget for 2023/24, there is unease amongst residents at the suggestion that in order to fulfil the plans set out within they will have no option but to increase their share of council tax precept.

With the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Council, Somerset Police and Somerset Fire Service also looking to increase their precept for 2023/24, combined with the rises in energy and fuel costs, any rise in local council needs to be fully considered, so SomersetClive has asked consumer champion and financial wizard, Martin Prudent, to cast his expert eye over the proposed budget.

My goodness, who prepared this? Who gave a monkey access to a calculator?” Martin asked.

We were able to explain to Mr Prudent that the budget was likely prepared by the former Smalltown Head Administration Guru (SHAG), Tanya Winter and had been hastily cobbled together in late October when the new BeFuddled Party-controlled SaDTC discovered that they needed a budget.

“Ah. Now it makes sense! Well. I can tell you immediately that all these individual budgets need far more scrutiny from councillors before they approve them. I have never seen such a load of codswallop in my life.

Take this addition of £5,000 to cover the cost of ‘Climate Change’. What on earth can a small town council do to help with Climate Change? Cross that off straight away. £10,000 to pay for Local Government Reform? What’s that all about? No. Cross it off or at least halve it.

Two lots of business rates and property maintenance costs? Why do they need two buildings?

Oh wow. Look at the staffing costs! That’s incredible. And the amount required by Squire Teflon and the Smalltown Shops (SS) group to run events. That’s a joke surely?

I’m not even going to comment on the proposed budget for the White Elephant Enclosure. Whoever came up with these figures needs to book a year long residency on the WEE stage. They must be a proper comedian.

This beggars belief. All of these figures need looking at in greater detail – are there any members of the council who know how to use a calculator and have a sensible head on their shoulders? Someone who could take a long hard look at these numbers and come up with an alternative?

We assured him that there isn’t.

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