As a paid up member of the Illiberal party Squire Teflon will be voting for his favourite candidate in the forthcoming selection process for a new Prime Minister to replace Horis Gonesoon.
SomersetClive, having noticed the empty Albanian Whisky shelves in LIDILS made a late night phone call to discuss his options.
“That Jenny Morbid. She’s hot isn’t she? But then we all are in this weather. She’s all woman. If she can ever get around to deciding what a woman is. I could help her with that. In my experience a real woman is one who falls for my charms and there are plenty of those in Smalltown and Dullbridge.
Fliss Thrust. There’s another one. Woman, I mean. Of course, my mentor and best pal, Tim Teepee, will be voting for her. I think she could handle both of us. She reminds me a lot of Maggie. Now there was a woman. She was wonderful. I have a little shrine to Maggie in my bedsit and I raise a toast to her every evening. Fliss is from the same mould. Firm, decisive and good-looking. I’d definitely give her one. A vote, I mean.
I’m not so keen on Sushi Kayak. He’s a man and I don’t mean a bloke’s bloke sort of Man. Can’t imagine sharing a Whiskey with him. Women seem to swoon over him. I don’t understand the attraction. Where’s his pot-belly? Where’s his pocketful of pens? What on earth do women see in him? No. I won’t be voting for him.
So for me it’s a straight choice between either Jenny or Fliss. I’m not fussy. I’d take both of them if I could. They both have their attractions. I’ve got photos of them on my walls. Penny in that fetching Illiberal blue swimsuit from her time on “I’m an MP – Push Me Off a Diving Board’ and Fliss in a mini skirt getting out of a black cab. Yes. It’s a hard decision but one I’m eminently qualified to make.
While I’ve got you on the phone is there any chance you can run an advertisement in SomersetClive for me? ‘WANTED – Chairs. Contact Squire Teflon.’ Thanks.”