As the Waxing Gibbon moon enters Sagaman everyone should expect lots of chatter in the supermarket, with some people feeling an unexplained urge to climb the shelves and swing from the fluorescent lighting strips. The pull will be strongest on Friday morning as assorted holiday makers and coach loads of pensioners descend on the stores and people popping in for a pint of milk can’t face the queues at the checkouts.
Aryan – Your letter to the Editor of the Daily Fail regarding the non-delivery of your newspaper and the woeful lack of young people willing to get out of bed early in the morning to deliver said paper will be published on Friday. The publication highlights the line ‘Bring back National Service and hanging’ in bold.
Tourist – I did tell you that a week at HM Prison Camp Don’tins Bream wasn’t a good idea, you really didn’t need my services as a psychic astrologer to tell you that. Rest assured that the three hours you spent in the queue waiting to request that your chalet be cleaned really was a waste of time.
Twinpeaks – Your evil twin triumphed last time, didn’t it? That poor cat was lucky that your aim wasn’t good – the door frame not so lucky. Expect to have your foot in plaster for several more weeks.
Crabs – ‘Change is as good as a rest’ or so they say, in your case you’re better off resting. Getting out of bed doesn’t suit you.
Lions – You will find yourself drawn to those born under the Scorekeeper sign as you don an England Women’s football shirt and take to loitering around in pubs with big TV screens. Could love be in the air?
Vestal Virgins – I’m so pleased my wearing three pairs of knickers tip worked for you! Otherwise your encounter with the Squires could have had a very different outcome. Next time they offer to show you their ‘pen collection’ politely decline.
Librarians – Why do some people refuse to bring their books back on time or pick up the phone to renew them? This is the eternal question which has plagued Librarians for centuries and you’ll spend all week pondering this yourself.
Scorekeeper – Trouble is afoot when you meet a Lion in the pub. At first you greatly admire their love of Women’s football, but will soon come to regret your assertion that ‘It’s a man’s game.’
Sagaman – As the Waxing Gibbon enters you you’ll really wish you’d used a more traditional lubricant.
Capripants – It’s good to see that you’ve taken those short rainbow shorts off but, even though it’s incredibly hot out there, budgie-smugglers are not a suitable alternative for day-to-day wear.
Aquaman – Your co-star is completely off her rocker, isn’t she? This could be a good time to check the local job vacancies to see if anyone has a need for a man with a trident who can hold his breath underwater.
Pistachio – Great news! You’ll finally get a clean bill of health from the medical professionals. That strange rash and your rusty nuts will clear up completely with a liberal sprinkling of talcum powder.