In a shock move, Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council have agreed to secure the services of the world’s most respected physicists at CERN to answer what is quickly becoming known as ‘Ellengate’ in a predictable nod to the famous political scandal of the 1970s.
Speaking on behalf of the council, Tanya Summer said: “to settle this once and for all, we’ve identified £94,000 in our special rainy-day reserves to help the public to understand that this is far, far too complicated for them to understand“
The brief for the top boffins is clear: to prove that a councillor can both resign and be sacked at the same time, but actually be neither when necessary to convince the public that it’s not important. Councillors turned to CERN when they read about Schrödinger’s cat – an experiment which theoretically proves that something can be both one thing and another at the same time, until an observer decides it isn’t. Town Mayor Cllr Mark Facelift discovered the experiment in his ‘Big Boys Book of Science‘ and couldn’t wait to tell colleagues via their secret LotsCrap group.
Professor John Labcoat, current Oxbridge Uninversity Chair of Physics said “Erwin Schrödinger, would be spinning in his grave at this gross mis-appropriation of quantum super-position. Or maybe he wouldn’t. We couldn’t tell unless we dug him up“
At the time of going to press, The Squire was eagerly consulting his well-thumbed copy of the Kama Sutra, in the hope that ‘quantum super-position’ was one he hadn’t tried yet.
You are a very funny woman Ellen.
Love Stephen
Good to see priorities are correct down Hayloft Road way. Spending lots of money to tell people things they don’t need to know, rather than actually doing anything useful as always.