Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council, in conjunction with Sadgebore District Council, has been following the proposals being considered by nearby Easton-under-Water Oppidan Council (EWOC) to introduce fines for offences introduced via new Public Orders to Protect Spaces (POPS) .
The new scheme would see residents in the Easton area banned from blowing up balloons, failing to wear bicycle clips when cycling, walking cats off lead, feeding birds (including budgies, chickens and parrots, although feeding Dodos will be exempt), erecting windbreaks on the beach and swimming in the sea.
A spokesperson for EWOC said “These may seem like draconian measures, but we need to raise more money to fund our search for oil under the old Lido on the seafront in Easton. Without an injection of cash from residents and visitors flouting these new rules we won’t have any money to spend on new bus stops for the non-existent bus services.”
We contacted Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council for a statement but were told “‘I’m sorry. Following the resignation and departure of the Smalltown Uproar and Media Genius (SMUG) we no longer have any spokespeople here. I’ve asked the Smalltown Head Administration Genius (SHAG) to comment but she said she’s leaving soon and can’t be bothered with questions.”
Blair Stagg, Sadgebore County Council’s SMUG, told us “I can confirm that both ourselves and SaDTC are following this with interest. We are currently looking at ways in which we can also raise extra revenue under the guise of POPS and are currently considering banning breathing. Under our proposal any resident or visitor found breathing within a 94 mile radius of Fridgepond will be issued with an on the spot fine of £200.
There will be no right to appeal and the money will need to be handed over immediately, otherwise the recipient of the fine will be incarcerated at His Squire’s Pleasure and sentenced to hard labour constructing the Squire’s Hot OutdoorTub (SHOT) extension at the White Elephant Enclosure.”