Residents in Smalltown gathered with flaming torches and pitchforks on Saturday night, intent on marching to a local pizza establishment to demonstrate their dissatisfaction with the pizzas on offer.
Resident Popeye Johns said “I ordered a chicken and spinach pizza from Flamethrower Pizzas and after waiting three and a half hours for delivery it arrived cremated and without the extra spinach I’d requested. It’s just not good enough.”
Other residents agreed that they’d also had awful pizzas from Flamethrower and a braying mob quickly assembled at the junction of Jetty Street and Main Street.
To chants of “What do we want? Pizza.” the mob set off along Main Street, brandishing their pitchforks, fully intending to march on Flamethrower and set fire to the premises, thus cremating the pizzas even further.
Unfortunately, the route chosen meant passing 94 other pizza establishments in Main Street and, by the time the mob arrived outside Flamethrower, only one person remained, the rest having decided to stop off for pizza on the way.
The lone protestor then decided to continue to Domingos Pizza Palace in George Street to partake of some sustenance.
A spokesslice for Flamethrower said “We don’t care.”