With much pomp and ceremony the first step on Dictator Dullard’s scheme to improve transport links in the area was unveiled at Dullbridge Train Station this week.
Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council and Was Great Railways (WGR) have been working together on upgrades to the station as part of Dictator Dullard’s Climate Rescue Action Plan (CRAP) to ban cars in the area. WGR has made £4,940 available to fund the upgrades.
Walking the red carpet and taking to the newly erected stage to a ripple of silent applause, Dictator Dullard addressed the assembled audience “People arriving by train often have no idea where they are, which is not surprising, because even I’m not sure where I am.
So I am delighted to be able to unveil these 12 new self adhesive direction signs which we are going to stick on some of the lamp posts in the area. These amazing new signs will direct people to the nearest bus stop. We are also putting signs in the bus stops to direct people to the train station. Isn’t that good?
Unfortunately, the flaw in the plan is that there aren’t actually any buses, but we are working with Last Bus to try to get them to add more buses to the time table, but as so few people use the bus and Last Bus want to make a profit, so far we’ve had no success.
But these new signs are great. So great that we are going to add even more signs at local beauty spots such as Pinnacle Park, River Brew Pathways and the Coastal Walking Path. There will be signs for both cycle ways and footpaths.
Soon people won’t be able to appreciate the local beauty spots because we are going to plaster them with a plethora of signs directing them to the train station and bus stops.”
Hopefully these new signs will also stop the people of Dullbridge whinging about how they never get anything new.”
The star-studded mob at the sign unveiling ceremony included All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Councillor and newly elected SaD Town Councillor, Al Incendiary, who said “I’m delighted to be a part of this project, even though all I’ve done is jump on the band wagon to appear in the photo.“
BeFuddled Party Prospective Missing Person, Clara Scullery, was also in attendance and added “Yes. This is a great photo opportunity. I’ll go anywhere, do anything, say anything and jump on every cause if it means my name will appear in the newspapers. So I’m delighted to be here today. Vote for me.”