Smalltown’s foremost spirit-botherer and sham-en, Mystic Mick has consulted his teabags and has been taking a look at what is in store for Smalltown and Dullbridge residents for the coming year.
January
THE YEAR will get off to a decidedly shaky start as the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Council issue ever-more aggressive threats in an attempt to get residents on-side with the plan to devolve services to Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council.
Threats will be mild at first – “We aren’t going to fund the CCTV cameras, which are paid via rates levied on businesses. So if residents want to protect the businesses in the towns they will need to pay for them.This will be followed by a threat to remove funding to the Really Needy Lifesaving Association (RNLA), used to employ the lifeguards in Smalltown, on the recommendation of the RNLA.
A variety of further threats will follow culminating in the Leader of ANYUSSC, BeFuddled Councillor Phil Crivens asking “How much do you like your Nan? I can get a good price for her on the darkweb.”
DICTATOR DULLARD will miss the first day of term at the Hayloft Road Palace Retirement Home for Bemused and Bewildered BeFuddled Party ex-Teachers (and Others), bit will return on the 30th January to take part in the first SaD Town Council Full Council meeting of the year.
Dictator Dullard will spend the first hour of the meeting describing “What I Did In My Christmas Holiday”. There will also be an accompanying slideshow presentation.
SQUIRE TEFLON will attempt to participate in ‘Dry January’. His attempt will last one hour and 34 minutes.