The results of December’s Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council Christmas Quiz are now in and Head of Mathematics, Councillor Banish Barracuda has collated the results into a nice easy-for-even-SaD-Town-Councillors-to-read document.
Unfortunately less than 94 responses were received from the Drop-out and online quizzes, with only 69 people making their views known. It has been suggested that the low number of responses was due to a lack of publicity about the quiz, coupled with the Drop-out sessions being held at a time when most residents were at work, and the online version being completely ‘dire‘ – having been cobbled together in two minutes by a six-year old who had stayed up beyond their bedtime.*
The result, which Cllr Barracuda has calculated as being based on the views of 0.35% of the SaD population, was still higher than the amount of people who attend the White Elephaht Enclosure as community users on a monthly basis.
Cllr Barracuda has also taken advice from officers at the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Scrooge Cuonty Council as well as desperately trying to appease his masters in the BeFuddled Party.
Therefore, Cllr Barracuda believes that SaD residents should take on the costs of providing minor road maintenance by working with neighbouring parishes to employ a ‘Highway Man‘, who would be paid a total of £50,000 per annum which would include a half-day per week in Smalltown and Dullbridge clearing litter from verges, filling the grit bins, and trimming back vegetation on roads and footpaths. Definitely a case of Highway robbery.
Cllr Barracuda recommends that the planting of flowerbeds, planters, and hanging baskets be taken on by volunteer groups who are already kept busy at Pinnacle Park and Estuary Cove, but will surely have time for further gardening.
Town Councillors will be asked at the SaD TC Finance and Misappropriation Committee meeting tonight to decide which services they will take on to help ANYUSCC balance the books, but will not be given any idea of the costs involved. Meaning that we can all look forward to a big surprise when our Council Tax increases by an unspecified amount.
Meanwhile, it is Cllr Barracuda’s recommendation that SaD residents, who currently contribute to the costs for the provision of litter bins, public toilets and dog waste bins, be told that this will increase to cover the full cost . In short- SaD residents will be paying for all the sh*t.
- (Apologies to any six-year olds. The SomersetClive Head of Information Technology (SHIT) has perused the document properties and has confirmed that it actually took the Smalltown Administration Guru (SAG), Katie Global, some two and a half hours to create. Kudos to Ms. Global for managing to spend so long creating something that has the look of having been cobbled together at the last minute.)