SomersetClive readers are reminded that they have until today to hand it the homework set by Headmistress, Mayor and Dictator Cllr Kelsey Dullard.
The homework project can be downloaded from the Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council website and takes the form of multiple-choice questions, with residents asked to tick the boxes to confirm how they would like SaDTC to waste their money in the next financial year.
For those unable to download the survey, SomersetClive is pleased to be able to share it with you.
Please select three services currently provided by the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Scrooge Cuonty Council which you would be happy to pay for:-
- Transport.
Dictator Dullard and the BeFuddleds would very much like to encourage people to stop using their cars and instead make use of buses. If you choose this option you could help fund the proposed introduction of Dictator Dullard’s Double Decker Dream, a new initiative which would see residents funding a private business to supply buses. - Highways.
SaDTC would employ a further one or two Town Rangers to drive around the area in vans undertaking such tasks as looking at litter caught up in the overgrown verges, making a note of footpaths that need repair, as well as paying for new signage to satisfy Fun Police Officer Councillor Patsy Knickers plan to reduce all the speed limits around Smalltown and Dullbridge, - Public Toilets.
Whilst SaDTC currently pay a contribution towards the cost of the public toilets in Smalltown, ANYUSCC would like to see them take full responsibility for the toilets in Pinnacle Park, Smalltown Seafront and Poxford Street. No mention has been made of the public conveniences at Crosses Pencil or Dullbridge, so these will be closed. - Street Scene
ANYUSSC would like SaDTC to cover the cost of cleaning the streets – especially after Carnivoo, as well as providing and emptying litter bins, planting flowers and maintaining memorials in the area. Much of this work could be incorporated into the current Town Rangers job specification, but won’t be because that would mean the rangers would have to get out of their vans. - Open Spaces
If you like Pinnacle Park, Estuary Cove and any of the play areas in Smalltown and Dullbridge then you need to select this option. Dictator Dullard would like to see SaDTC take control of all open spaces, so that they can be added to SaDTC’s assets - Tourism
ANYUSCC has made much of the fact that Somerset is not a tourist destination and therefore is not a source of income for the Council, unlike Councils in other areas such as Easton-under-Water or Baath, therefore the Cuonty Council sees no point in funding the Smalltown Office for the BEACH (SOB) .
The majority of Smalltown and Dullbridge residents get no benefit from the SOB and really if funding is needed then it should come from the businesses in the area who do benefit. However, it’s far easier to offload this as an increase in Council Tax. - Community Resilience.
What? Oh yes. Sandbags.residents are already being sandbagged by SaDTC and ANYUSCC, now we can pay for it. - Assets
Buying as many properties as possible from ANYUSSC and increasing Dictator Dullard’s control over the towns.
Which of these services currently provided by Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council do you consider to be important?
- Spending far too much money on Christmas Lights and Trees for Smalltown and Dullbridge. Note – SaDTC are locked into a contract to supply these items for a further two years, so it makes no difference if you do not think these are important because you are going to have to pay for them anyway.
- Festival of Bangs and Flashes. Nothing like watching your money go up in smoke is there? Am absolute necessity in these austere times.
- The White Elephant Enclosure.
Of all the things SaDTC pay for this is the most expensive, but the few residents who actually use it are very grateful to the rest of you who pay for it. - Dog bins.
Even though dog waste can be placed in normal bins it’s great to have some special bins, isn’t it? That way dog waste can be kept separate from normal waste until it reaches the landfill site. - The Dictator’s Parties
Anyone who thinks this should not be funded from Council Tax will find themselves the lucky recipient of a visit from Dictator Dullard herself. How do you expect her to take advantage of photo opportunities if she can’t have a party? - Grants to community groups
SaD Town Councillors would like to be able to continue to show how caring and generous they are by sharing residents’ money with as many community groups as possible. In particular, those groups who promise to spend the money on hiring the White Elephant Enclosure. - Events
Dictator Dullard would like to recommend that residents approve this and any other events which will see her take centre stage. - Climate Rescue Action Plan (CRAP)
Another must for Dictator Dullard. Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council are very proud of the work they have undertaken so far with their CRAP and would like to be able to continue to tell residents how to live their lives. The next step is to ban all cars as well as issue instructions on cutting down on food, cardboard, alcohol and fun. - Floral Displays
Apparently SaD Town Council currently sets aside a sum of money each year to cover the cost of flower beds and hanging baskets. Looking at the towns you wouldn’t believe it, would you? - Public toilets
SaD Town Council already contributes to the cost of public conveniences in the area to help those residents who find themselves caught short when giving very long lectures on CRAP. - Can you suggest in less than 94 words anything else that SaDTC should spend your money on?
Extra points will be awarded for anyone who suggests the following:-
A new outfit for Dictator Dullard
A staff party
Biscuits for all Councillors attending meetings
Gold medals for schoolchildren
A set of stocks for use by Smalltown’s Most Popular Person Jock ‘Balcony’ McCads
An Ice Rink
An Arch
A life-size gold statue of Dictator Dullard