A Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Ranger.
Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council employ two Town Rangers with SaD residents paying for their services. With both towns looking increasingly neglected and uncared for, we asked ‘What do they actually do? ‘read on to discover the answer.
09.10am. Arrive at Hayloft Road Palace Retirement Home for Bemused and Bewildered BeFuddled Party ex-Teachers (and Others) to receive orders from the Smalltown and Dullbridge Smalltown Administration Deputy (SADSAD), Eileen Mutton. Share a bit of banter with her about her decolletage, she enjoys our little jokes.
09.20am. Have a cup of tea and biscuits.
09.30am. Check the weather forecast. It’s going to rain this afternoon.
09.40am. Get in van.
09.50am. Drive around Smalltown looking for litter.
10.45am. Stop van at the far end of Smalltown Promenade. Been hard at work driving around Smalltown for almost an hour. Have a cup of tea and a sandwich – need to keep energy levels up.
11.35am. Drive van to Dullbridge to look for litter. Spot weeds at bus stop. Get out of van to take photos.
12.06pm. Get back in van. Continue driving around Dullbridge looking for litter.
12.18pm. Park van in Dullbridge Car Park. Have a cup of tea and a sandwich.
12.30pm. Lunch hour. Sit in van and watch repeat episodes of Constipation Street on mobile phone.
2.40pm. Lunch hour ends. Have a cup of tea and a sandwich.
01.20pm. Resume driving around Dullbridge. Spot bench that needs repainting. Make a note on back of empty cigarette packet to remember to paint it when the weather improves.
01.55pm. Drive van back to Dullbridge. Spot lots of empty crisp packets and chocolate wrappers outside Queen Ethelred’s School. Make a note on back of empty cigarette packet to remember to pick it up when it stops raining. If the wind hasn’t blown it all away by then.
02.10pm. Drive back to South Promenade, Smalltown. Stop for a cup of tea and check the weather forecast again. Heavy rain is predicted for 02.50pm.
02.40pm. Drive back to Dullbridge. Eileen Mutton has asked us to paint the gates at Dullbridge Cemetary. Get out of van and look at site prior to commencing painting.
02.55pm. The predicted rain arrives. Painting gates is postponed until the rain stops. Get back into van to await cessation of rain.
03.00pm. Have a cup of tea and read newspaper.
03.30pm. Still sat in van at Dullbridge Cemetary. It’s still raining. Tea supplies running low.
04.25pm. Run out of tea. Rain shows no sign of stopping. May as well go home.
04.44pm. Finish work for the day. Tomorrow we do it all again.