Dullbridge resident and gazillionaire Eton Rusk is understood to be considering putting together a rescue package to save the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Council from bankruptcy.
The move comes after auditors for ANYUSSC warned the BeFuddled controlled Council that they needed to stop mucking around and actually do the job they were elected to do.
Speaking exclusively to SomersetClive, Mr Rusk said “I’m not doing this to make more money. I don’t need more money. I’m doing it to try to help humanity, whom I love.
I would like to clean up the accounts and preserve it as a warning to other Councils as an example of what can happen if you spend too much time talking and thinking instead of making decisions.
Some people don’t like change, and that’s certainly true of BeFuddled Party members, but you need to embrace change if the alternative is disaster.
If I am successful in my bid to add ANYUSCC to my portfolio then I have some great ideas for improving it and making it more efficient.
With almost immediate effect I will be rebranding ANYUSCC as Y? I believe the new name will reflect the way the Cuonty is perceived by outsiders, who are often stunned into silence by the complete lack of anything achieved by ANYUSSC and often quite rightly ask “Why do we have a Council which has failed to deliver on any of its pre-election promises?”
The first steps on the path to success will be to package the entire Cuonty in a way which is both environmentally friendly and sustainable. The Cuonty and its residents will then be placed on board a new lithium battery powered space craft, tentatively named MissingLink and a course will be set for Mars.
This will be the first in a long line of populations uprooted from their current communities and established elsewhere. If we can colonise Mars then we can almost certainly colonise the whole Solar System, because we’ll have created a strong economic forcing function for the improvement of space travel. We’ll go to the moons of Jupiter, at least some of the outer ones for sure, and probably Uranus and a couple of asteroids as well.
Moving Somerset to Mars will be a great challenge. It’s dangerous, it’s uncomfortable, it’s a long journey, and residents won’t be able to come back, because Somerset on Earth will no longer exist. But it’s a glorious adventure, and it’ll be an amazing experience for any survivors.”
Mr Rusk hopes to be able to move forward with his takeover bid within a matter of weeks.