The All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Council hit the national headlines recently when it was confirmed that it is teetering on the edge of bankruptcy.
The Auditors appointed to look over the figures has warned that ANYUSCC could join Brumingham City and Cotsmould District on the list of bankrupt Councils after discovering that after just six months of existence ANYUSCC has an estimated budget gap of £95 million for 2024/25, with a further £49 million forecast for 2025/26.
Deputy Leader and BeFuddled Genius at ANYUSCC Councillor Fizz Leyline said “We aren’t sure how our finances got into such a state, but the first thing that springs to mind is that the projected overspend needs to be reduced significantly.
We know people will be disappointed by this news, but I’d like to reassure residents by saying it’s definitely not the BeFuddled Party’s fault.
Amalgamating the four District Councils of Sadgebore, Toyrown, Old Somerset, and Bendit with Ye Olde Somersetshire Cuonty Council was an idea which saw backing from the Illiberal Party, but was opposed by the BeFuddleds, as they don’t like change.
It came as a complete shock when the Illiberals lost out to the BeFuddleds in the elections who found themselves having to run ANYUSCC with no experience whatsoever. One of the first ideas introduced by the BeFuddleds was to introduce small District Committees, formed largely along the lines of the old District, which required the same buildings and staff as before.
The larger ANYUSCC was supposed to save money by getting rid of surplus staff, negotiating better contracts with outside companies and generally being more efficient as one Council. Unfortunately none of the imagined £18 million a year savings have been brought to fruitition, with staff numbers roughly as they were and an awful lot of time and money expended on talking and thinking.
However, Councillor Fizz Leyline insists it’s not all bad news “ANYUSCC isn’t going to actually be declared bankrupt, because Local Authorities can’t go bankrupt and be liquidated like normal businesses. Instead ANYUSCC could be issued with a Section 114 notice, which is in effect bankruptcy but has a different name.
Everything will be fine though, because we have this special bank account which has got some money in it. It’s called ‘Reserves’ and can be used by Councils as a never-ending supply of money, should they not have any money in their normal account. I believe Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council have made a similar use of the money in their own never-ending supply of money in the Reserves to fund the shortfall for the White Elephant Enclosure.
If we do end up being issued with a Section 114 notice then we will no longer be able to purchase nice, new shiny things to help us deliver such important services as removing all the trees throughout the Cuonty or spending on our own Climate Rescue Action Plan. We also may need to make some actual decisions – something we have so far managed to avoid hy taking a lot of time to think and talk about things.”
Councillor Rabid Feathergill, leader of the opposition Illiberals and former leader of Somerset County Council, said “I’m really not surprised one bit. Whenever the BeFuddleds take over a Council they make a mess of it. If they had voted Illiberal we wouldn’t be seeing these problems now, because we’d have done our best to hide it under a carpet.
The BeFuddleds just can’t do mathematics. For example – who would be their Chancellor of the Exchequer, should they by some miracle be elected to run the country.Who is it? Exactly. No one knows. That’s because not one of them can use a calculator.
Here in Somerset they have all been far too busy talking and thinking up ridiculous job titles such as ‘Armed Forces Champion’, ‘Member for Performance’, and this next one is hilarious – ‘Member for Prosperity, Assets and Development’.
If ANYUSCC do end up being issued with a Section 114 then residents have no one to blame but themselves. And the BeFuddleds of course.
At the moment they need to either take a good firm grip on their fences, before both they and ANYUSCC topples like a row of dominoes. Or give up now and let us Illiberals have a go. We aren’t very good at mathematics either, but at least we know how to use a sturdy broom.”