Carnivoo comment on closure complaints

The overzealous Carnivoo Sheriff, Madley Dangeridge, has spoken out about the scheduled road closures which have been causing concern for residents.

The road closures for this year’s event – the first Carnivoo organised without the only member of the Committee who knew how to organise it, Mr Bill Old – have been subject to complaints from residents of both Smalltown and Dullbridge after it was revealed that there would be no access to Smalltown or Dullbridge for anyone, apart from Carnivoo carts, from 4pm to 2am on Carnivoo night. This poor piece of planning means that no one will be able to either get home from work nor view the Carnivoo.

SomersetClive asked Mr Dangeridge if he could explain the reason behind the road closure to us and he said “Yes. I’ve been offered a cash sum by a local business to extend the Carnivoo route by about 94 foot, so it will now finish a bit further along than it has before.

Whilst this wouldn’t really necessitate closing the roads, I realised that Mr Old doesn’t live very far from the finish line, so by closing the road outside his house it means he will be trapped indoors and won’t be able to point out all the things we’ve done wrong, such as closing all the roads into and out of Smalltown and Dullbridge.

This is a preliminary to my plan for next year when I will be charging an entry fee to anyone who can make it past the roadblocks to attend Carnivoo. I really think there’s a lot of money to be made from Carnivoo and next year my company, Tinpot Spurt Events, will also be charging the Carnivoo Clubs to take part.

My partner, the Carnivoo Secretary Vaughan Malicious and I plan to make this the first commercially organised Carnivoo on the Somerset and Northumberland Carnivoo Circuit.

We are both really looking forward to Carnivoo this year, which is great because we will be the only people allowed to get through the road closures, because we’ve got special badges.”