Following on from the stupendous eruption of Mount Teflon last week, which saw bile and hotheaded insults spew over a large area of Smalltown and Dullbridge, today SomersetClive is able to bring you an EXCLUSIVE Interview with Former SaD Councillor Ellen Proves, Leader of the Dullbridge Liberation Front
Ms Proves, when did you first become aware that you’d been brought into Squire Teflon’s latest unhinged Albanian Whiskey fuelled rant?
To be honest Clive, it took a while. I have better things to do than listen to a half-wit, but people had started to ask me what was going on and eventually it became clear that everyone in Smalltown and Dullbridge had heard what the Squire had been saying. Now, although it seems that the reaction from everyone was one of laughter and ‘He’s lost it again!’, I am concerned that there may be at least one person who believed him. Doubtful, I know, but I welcome this opportunity to set the record straight.
I know that everyone is well used to Squire Teflon’s accusations and bullying, but I can’t let his recent behaviour go unchallenged. In particular his claim that I am not who I say I am. I can assure everyone that I am indeed Ellen Proves and I’ve never been anyone else.
Unlike Teflon, who tries to pretend he is a Very Important Person who once had a matching set of dining room chairs, but now doesn’t even have a footstool. He also pretends that he doesn’t deliver papers for his close-friend and employer Mistress Bones, but we all know he does.
Teflon threw these allegations against me around and made no attempt to correct his lies, in fact at one point he swapped his blue shirt with a pocketful of pens for a white shirt with a pocketful of pens and conducted a conversation with himself. Clearly a sign that he has several personalities and none of them very pleasant.
Besides it’s disturbing to think that the weird little oddball is sitting up late at night dreaming up paranoid fantasies about situations in which his existence would matter enough to anyone to bother creating aliases just to talk to him.
What part do you think alcohol played a part in this?
There have long been suspicions that drinking too much Albanian Whiskey causes the Squire to become unstable and prone to paranoia. The people out there who have witnessed his paranoia are plenty, and we all know how devastated he was when he lost his ‘Smalltown’s Most Popular Peraon’ crown to Jock ‘Balcony’ McCads. Something he had never got over.
However, it can’t all be blamed on alcohol. Even without it he is a miserable, nasty little bully who has victimised just about every woman unfortunate enough to enter his orbit – and not a few men.
However, I am at a loss as to how I got dragged into this sordid affair. I make no secret of the fact that, in common with the vast majority of SaD residents, I can’t stand Teflon. The only use I can think of for him is to lie him down in the road outside St. Pratt’s School and use him to slow down the traffic, instead of paying out all that money to the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Council for Cllr Patsy Knickers’ ridiculous 20mph speed limit idea.
Ellen, do you have any idea what sparked this latest eruption?
I’ve asked myself that very question. I really have no idea. It is deeply disturbing and demonstrates a level of paranoid obsession which must raise questions of capacity. This sort of behaviour is designed to cause distress. It is deeply unhealthy.
There is no doubt that with some of the things he said he crossed several lines. Not least disclosing information which was not in the public domain. As has been mentioned elsewhere by SomersetClive, it was his fellow Illiberal Councillors who pushed for, commissioned, signed the cheque for and then forgot about the arch-we-must-never-mention. This can only be interpreted as a wilful attempt to pass blame onto people who contractually cannot even defend themselves.
Which brings me on to the allegations. Whether by ineptitude or design, Squire Teflon gave the impression to members of the public he was accusing me of criminality.
He did not correct this.
There can be no justification for this attack on my character. There has been no provocation, no interaction – nothing. It is very easy to see why people concluded he meant me. He named me after all. Instead of acting to correct this he appeared happy to allow it to stand.
It is of deep concern that an individual in a position of public trust is using privileged information to mislead members of the public. Presumably to avoid having to answer the justified concerns of residents about use of public money, declarations of interest and just what exactly led to the abandonment of the parity of funding for Dullbridge, the duplication of trees in Smalltown, the escalated costs, and the breakdown of long-standing agreements with partner organisations.
These are valid questions. Teflon cannot pass the responsibility for these things onto others.
Likewise issues of the White Elephant Enclosure. The pound starts and stops with him. He is the one who saved it for the Nation by paying a pound for it. He is the one who had overseen SaD Town Council pay out huge sums of money it can ill afford to keep the place going.
So if you don’t mind, Clive, I’d like to ask a few questions and I suggest you let me do so, because if you think Dictator Dullard talks a lot then, trust me, you ain’t seen nothing yet.
My question to residents is fairly simple. How long are you willing to support behaviour like this? Councillors of any political background or none should behave appropriately. Should not threaten, bully, cause distress nor abuse their position to bestow advantage to close-friends, employers and associates.
Over the last decade I have watched every genuinely good person who walked into the Hayloft Road Palace Retirement Home for Bemused and Bewildered BeFuddled Party ex-Teachers (and Others) (Formerly known as the Hayloft Road Lunatic Asylum), whether staff, councillor or member of the public, attacked, harassed and ridiculed.
There is no area of your life that’s off limits nor apparently a point at which you might be able to draw a line and move on.
Does anyone other than Squire Teflon think this is acceptable?
I believe every rational and right-minded person would agree that it isn’t.