The professional employed cast of the ‘Community Project’ have been enjoying their free sandwiches and drinks (paid for by way of a grant Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council), as they rehearse for their professionally employed scripted, choreographed, produced and directed play ‘Hands Up!’ in the White Elephant Enclosure, (paid for by way of a grant from Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council).
‘Hands Up!’ tells the story of a pile of wood, which was a pile of school desks in a previous life, on Barrow Beach and the woman who had unbelievable success in highway robbery, holding up a succession of Grant Funding Schemes and demanding all their money.
The play is set to be staged in the now-trashed Nelson Bay Gardens on Smalltown Seafront, which recently featured as a prominent stop on the Britain in Flower Festival (BIFF) whistle-stop tour of the area, the gardens having been hurriedly planted with an array of bedding plants immediately prior to the judges arrival. The plants have now been removed and in their place a huge construction of scaffolding poles and wooden planks, salvaged from some old school desks, has been erected.
As a nod to the community purpose behind the scheme, to which £225K of grant funding was awarded on the basis that it would benefit the communities of Smalltown and Dullbridge, residents have been invited to pay between £4 and £20 to watch the performances.
Photographs of the rehearsals are now circulating on social media, so SomersetClive contacted Smalltown’s theatre critic and musical impressario, Andrew Floyd Blubber, to ask if he could pop along to a rehearsal and give us his opinion.
Mr Floyd Blubber took one look at the photos and said “This looks absolutely GHASTLY, darling. It reminds me of one of those terrible ‘theatre’ companies who tour the country in an old Volvo estate car with doors a different colour to the rest of the bodywork, stopping off at schools to act out some horrendous play warning children about the hazards of playing with tissue paper. No. Thank you. But I’m washing my hair that day”
We pointed out that we hadn’t specified which day and Mr Floyd Blubber said “It doesn’t matter which day. I shall be washing my hair. I’m not going. I’d rather stick pins in my eyes.”
SomersetClive editor, Mr Clive Saint, Sir, has informed all staff that we will all be entered into a fun competition to choose the person who will be sent to watch the opening night performance. The lucky winner will be the person who pulls the shortest straw out of a pack of otherwise long straws. We are all near bursting with excitement. It’s not often that our Editor, Mr Clive Saint, Sir, lets us share his complimentary freebies.
That’s if the stage hasn’t broken free of its moorings and floated out to sea by then.
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