Residents of Smalltown have reacted with anger and disbelief to the scene in Nelson Bay Gardens, where a gigantic erection has destroyed the flower beds which received many compliments from the judges from the Britain in Flower Festival (BIFF) awards panel.
“What in the name of Sticky Willie is that?” Dahlia Smith asked.
“They’ve trampled all over the flower beds” Don Monty exclaimed.
SomersetClive sent a reporter to find out more and we can confirm that the beautiful floral displays, which attracted so many positive comments from the BIFF judges less than a week ago, have been destroyed, with the plants removed after only being in the ground for a month at most and the grass has been trampled into submission.
In their place is a massive structure comprising several unaesthetically pleasing scaffolding poles and planks of wood. Enquiries have revealed that this is actually the stage for the outdoor performances of the Boredom Project, which is scheduled to take place from the 3rd to 6th of August.
The Boredom Project is a supposedly community-centric production which purports to tell the story behind a pile of rotten and decaying wood on Barrow Beach, which nobody really cares about in the first place.
The project has secured a vast amount of grant funding from every source going, which has been used to pay a host of professional actors, producers, directors, scenery and costume designers, marketing executives, and every possible Tom, Dick and Harry, as well as a handful of locals.
Even Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council handed over some cash to the project, but that has been returned to the Council in White Elephant Enclosure hire charges for the professional cast’s rehearsal space.
Unfortunately for the WEE the actual performances will be held in Nelson Bay Gardens, rather than in the theatre itself, which means that it is nigh on impossible to gauge the level of interest via ticket sales, as the event is a ‘Bring Your Own Chair’ production, however it is unlikely that any of the seven performances scheduled over four days will sell out.
Never mind – it’s been a nice little earner for all those employed to take part and at least one actor once came to Smalltown on his holidays, whilst the ‘Community Director’ (who has very few members of the community to direct) lived in Smalltown for ten years before seeing the light and seeking fame and fortune elsewhere.