Saturday afternoon saw a Small part of the Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Crowd assemble at the Smalltown Area Sports Hub (SASH) for the eagerly anticipated return of the Under a Waxing Spoon Festival. Unfortunately the Crowd left disappointed.
Having been soundly frisked by security, the Very Small Crowd were disappointed to find their alcohol confiscated and were further disappointed with the nine hour queue to get served at organisers Slowboat Detractions’ Largest Bar and Burger Van in the World. At one point the entire Very, Very Small Crowd formed themselves into a queue at the bar.
The disappointment turned to disbelief when it emerged that the beer had run out at 6pm, with members of the Very, Very, Very Small Crowd questioning how that could happen when very few people had actually been able to purchase beer in the first place.
An older member of the Very, Very, Very, Very Small Crowd said “It was a complete shambles. It didn’t live up to the hype. Nothing like it used to be at all.
We can all remember the Good Old Days, when this event would see a Huge Crowd, all off their heads by 5pm. Most of the Very, Very, Very, Very, Very Small Crowd hadn’t even managed to get served with their first pint of beer by that time this year.
A lot of members of the Very, Very, Very, Very, Very, Very Small Crowd gave up waiting and decided to spend the afternoon in the pub, where it was dry as well.”
The Very, Very, Very, Very, Very, Very, Very Small Crowd that remained to the bitter end found themselves soaked to the skin, sober and vowing never again.
Despite all the negatives and the relatively Very, Very, Very, Very, Very, Very, Very, Very Small Crowd, compared to the supposed 800 tickets sold, organiser Bob Holness from Slowboat Detractions said “We had a very successful event and with any luck won’t make too much of a financial loss, because that will be disappointing. We had hoped to recoup the poor ticket sales via alcohol sales, but beer sales were very disappointing.
We hope to be back again next year with more bars and bar staff.”
However, it seems highly unlikely that the organisers will be joined by any of the Very, Very, Very, Very, Very, Very, Very, Very, Very Small Crowd who attended this year as, as the general mood was one of disappointment at what one attendee called ” an absolute sh1tshow.”
Smalltown resident, Teddy Edwards, also described his disappointment “We went down expecting to be able to hold a picnic, whilst enjoying the music.I know the weather was not great but what a disappointment, stood in a queue for three hours minutes for the bar and no movement. Only four bar staff and everybody left at 6.30pm in the hope we could have our picnic in the woods instead.
,Even security said it was a disappointment. In fact, everyone said it was a disappointment. Never again. “
Mirabelle Breach agreed saying “Unfortunately the whole event has been a shambles. Huge queue for a drink, because there were only three people serving. Such a disappointment. What’s a music festival without beer? I can’t say we will ever return.“
Martian Pickles said “Shambles of a set up. Two people serving at the bar, so took forever to get served. Then they ran out of beer, apparently because they weren’t expecting to be so busy. Surely they knew how many tickets they sold? Barely anyone turned up anyway due to the rain.
Disappointed to say the least, and won’t go back again. Terrible management of an event.
Ray Smythe added “Absolute joke of a set up and event. Only one person serving at the bar. We were very disappointed.”
Sarah Phillips said “We were there for about ten minutes, ridiculous queue for the bar, with no one serving. To say we were disappointed is an understatement.”