Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council has announced the appointment of the new Smalltown Head of Malfeasance (SHAM), some 14 months after the previous SHAM left the role.
The Smalltown Administration Guru, Katie Global, said “We had great difficulty trying to attract the right person for the role. In fact, we had great difficulty in trying to attract anyone for the role.
But I’m delighted to say we have managed to find someone at last and I’d like to welcome Sal Crooks to SaD Town Council.”
Headmistress, Mayor and Dictator Cllr Dullard said I’d like to echo Katie’s words. Actually, why don’t you forget what she said and just report what I say? I’ve prepared a statement for you. Just print this.
Good Morning Boys and Girls. It’s good to see so many of you here, ready to hang on to my every word.
I would like to welcome my new SHAM, Sal Crooks, to my Town Council. I think she will do a good job approving all my unnecessary spending. She’s already approved my request for my new gazebo for me to use during my CRAP Festival, even though my Council already has a gazebo. So I believe that’s a good sign.
I had to think very hard for a long time about who I would like to see take on the role as my SHAM and I’m delighted to tell you that I’ve made the perfect decision.
I understand that there have been rumours in Smalltown and Dullbridge that Ms Crooks was the only person to apply for the job and I’d like to reassure you that this wasn’t the case.
I also received an application from the current Smalltown and Dullbridge Smalltown Administration Deputy (SADSAD), Eileen Mutton, but as she had made such a mess of my accounts when I promoted her to the position of my Acting Irresponsible Finance Officer, I simply couldn’t support her application. But I gave her a lovely bunch of flowers to make up for her disappointment.
Thank you. That is all. You may now return to your work.”
SomersetClive wonders if the new SHAM can explain the sudden increase in income at the White Elephant Enclosure, which saw it jump from £46,642 in Month 11 to £106,303 in Month 12, giving the WEE an income £59,661 in only a month.