In the first volume of Steven C. Gull’s long-running saga we heard how Squire Teflon helped Mistress Bones with funding for her dream to bring a World Record Beating Olympic Sized Swimming Pool and Ice Rink to Smalltown, in return for a favour or two or 16,000. They had agreed to keep their relationship a secret from significant others, friends and the residents and electorate of Smalltown.
Following a hugely unsuccessful opening event, which attracted huge amounts of Town Council funding and small crowds, the World Record Beating Olympic Sized Swimming Pool and Ice Rink opened and, a few short weeks later, closed again.
We rejoin the dynamic duo to find them hard at work making a silk purse out of a pig’s ear as they try to convince everyone that the Rink was a huge success and work on a scheme for next year.
Chapter One
The Squire and his close-friend Mistress Bones have finished writing up the report, detailing the success of the world record beating Olympic-sized combined swimming pool and ice rink, and it is due to be presented to Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council.
“Oh Squirey, Squrdle, we’ve finished working out how we are going to spin my World Record Beating Olympic Sized Swimming Pool and Ice Rink as a HUGE success to your Councillors and the public, so I suppose these results need to be presented?”
“That’s right my little love-dumpling.”
“I’m not sure I can do it. I know we’ve altered the figures to make the income look good, but I really don’t think that I can read our statement and keep a straight face.”
“But if you don’t then there’s a chance that Cllr Fencesitter will realise that I have been using my position to help you get more people down to your end of Smalltown and into your Newspaper and Tat Emporium. He may smell a rat. You have to read out the report. Don’t worry though, my Councillors won’t cause a fuss.”
“Oh pleeeease Squire. Pleeeease. I’ll do anything if you’ll read it out for me.”
“Anything?”
“Yes.”
“Well, since you put it like that…
Come to the meeting, bring the report and when the time comes I’ll offer to read it out on your behalf. We can say you’ve got a sore throat from all the swallowing. I mean. Shouting. Yes. Shouting at the paper boys.”
“Oh Squire, my Squire. You are so clever.”
“I know. Now turn round.”