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(Previously) Smalltown’s Most Popular Person (Dullbridge Public Enemy No.1) Councillor Jock McCads held yet another of his popular Mad Hatter’s Tea Parties on Sunday.
The event, which saw the usual Large Crowd attend, took place in Smalltown’s Chateau Gardens and it has been confirmed that Cllr McCads’ rehabilitation back into society is one step closer.
However, there were still signs of a rift amongst BeFuddled Party members, with Headmistress, Mayor and Dictator Cllr Kelsey Dullard conspicuous by her absence. An anonymous spokesperson for Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council said “As you know, Dictator Dullard always makes a point of attending every event in her towns, always ready for the next photo opportunity, so it’s rather telling that she isn’t here today.
It could be because the Crowd were asked to bring their own Thermos flasks of tea, as only alcohol is available to purchase on site, but it’s more likely to be the case that she’s still very cross with Cllr McCads after he sexually harassed me… I mean… sexually harassed a member of staff at SaD Town Council.”
The Crowd didn’t seem to mind the non-appearance of Dictator Dullard with resident Mrs May West saying “To be honest, I couldn’t give two hoots about Dictator Dullard not showing up.
I’ve had a great afternoon. I followed the advice Cllr McCads gave me at the last Mad Hatter’s Tea Party and invested in a plunge bra. I’ve had so many compliments on my figure! He was quite correct when he said it would enhance my cleavage.
I have to say though, when Cllr McCads sold me my raffle tickets he didn’t once look at my decolletage, but i think that was because of the blinkers he was wearing, which prevented him from looking sideways or down.”
Several other members of the Crowd agreed with Mrs West, with many saying that they’d had a great afternoon of free musical entertainment, including the last ever performance from Smalltown’s prolific singer/songwriter Reg Dwight.
Mr Dwight said “As you know this is my last ever show, as I am retiring from touring. The atmosphere in Smalltown was absolutely magical, the Crowd was welcoming and it was the perfect end to my 194 year career. It feels really good to have ended on such a high.
I was more than delighted to dedicate my songs ‘He’s Still Standing’ and ‘Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word’ to Cllr McCads.”
Crowd member Solomon Grundy said “It’s true what they say. If you want to win over the Crowd all you have to do is throw them a free party.
Look around you. Everyone is smiling and tapping their toes to the music. They really couldn’t care less that Cllr McCads was one stare away from being a registered sex pest. Amongst the Crowd he’s still Smalltown’s Most Popular Person.”