Dictator Dullard has announced that she plans to spend more Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council money without first seeking approval from other Councillors.
Announcing her latest scheme to splash our cash Dictator Dullard said “I had a lovely dream the other night, in which I was presiding over a sea of stalls in Pinnacle Park. Each stall had a huge tea pot in the centre of their table and everywhere I went people were congratulating me for organising such a lovely event and offering me a lovely cup of tea. So when I woke up, I thought ‘why not? ‘.
So I’m pleased to announce that I’m going to organise my lovely Climate Rescue Action Plan Festival (CRAP Festival).
Obviously I’m not going to be doing the organising myself, I’m going to make use of the staff at the Hayloft Road Palace Retirement Home for Bemused and Bewildered BeFuddled Party ex-Teachers (and Others), who will be paid for their time in their normal salary. Which means that SaD Council tax payers will be stumping up the cash.“
The event will be held on Saturday September 30th, timed to coincide with the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Council’s first Festival of Nothing, a ten-day walking festival.
The Festival of Nothing has been funded by Chernobyl-by-Sea and commissioned by the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Council on behalf of the Partnership Aiming To Hopefuily Entice Tourists into Chernobyl-by-Sea (PATHETIC) will span the Somerset coast from Bream to Worlock Pier and will centre on the joys of walking. Local walks will be held in Smalltown, Dullbridge, West Muntspill and Barrow and are open to anyone with feet.
The new CRAP Festival at Pinnacle Park will run from 1-4pm with local groups getting involved with the aim of encouraging residents to do more of the things they are already doing.
“I am delighted to be launching this new event, which is all my own idea and which I haven’t discussed with anyone else because I’m in charge here and I can do as I want.” Smalltown’s Dictator Cllr Kelsey Dullard told SomersetClive.
“I will be expecting people to come forward to organise a children’s area with various CRAP activities including a lovely bug hotel making session, lovely sculpture making from waste items, and lots of lovely hands-on activities. It is important that we work to educate our lovely children and teach them that learning is fun.
The council’s CRAP working groups will have lots of lovely displays which will educate the adults in the area, teaching them how to recycle and, especially for the grandmothers out there, how to suck eggs.
This means I will be expecting ALL Councillors to be present on the day, because otherwise Cllr Patsy Knickers will have to run from one table to another on a continual basis.
During the week there will also be lots of other lovely things happening which usually happen in Smalltown and Dullbridge and which are organised by other local groups, such as beach cleans. I shall be claiming the credit and posing for photographs for all these events
The centrepiece of my lovely Festival will be a row of lovely static bicycles, linked to a lovely giant urn. Residents will be expected to take it in turns to turn the pedals on the bikes, as this will demonstrate an eco-friendly way to generate electricity. If residents pedal furiously enough energy will be generated to heat the water in the urn and provide me with lots of wonderful cups of tea.
It will be good to see how many cups of tea residents can provide.
I am sure that my new lovely Festival will be as popular as the previous ‘Make Lovely Bunting’ SaD Town Council initiative.”
We asked Dictator Dullard which committee had approved her plans and she said “I don’t need to seek approval for this. An amount of money has been set aside for the Climate Rescue Action Plan, which means I can spend the money as I want, without asking or telling anyone. Besides, the only real cost at the moment is to reimburse the staff for the time they spend organising this, and Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council already pay them, so it isn’t actually costing anything.
Closer to the day there will be further costs involved, including hiring several plastic marquees, some polystyrene cups for my tea and the reams of paper required to write my speech. I don’t know why you get so hung up on my needing to discuss my plans before announcing them.
What is it that you don’t understand about the word ‘Dictator’?