A large group of Time Travellers who tried to pitch up in Smalltown yesterday evening found their attempts thwarted at every turn by groups of residents who blockaded access to some of the usual haunts.
Fed up with the usual slow moving response from the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Council and Somerset Police, the residents decided that direct action – which was recently used to great effect in nearby Puritan, to prevent the Time Travellers materialising in the car park of the local sports centre – was worth a try.
Around twelve Tardi attempted to materialise in several sites around Smalltown, including the Smalltown Area Sports Hub (SASH), Fig Close recreation ground, Pinnacle Park, and Barbara Cartland Close, during a busy two hour period for mankind, but which was only 12 minutes in Time Lord time.
The incident started around 6.30pm local time (Stardate 94458973.6) when a Tardis initially tried to materialise on the SASH Ground playing fields. Security staff immediately rushed to the spot and stood flailing their arms around until the occupants of the Tardis had no other option than to dematerialise.
Several minutes later (or ten minutes ago in Time Lord time), around eight Tardi attempted to appear on the Fig Close Rec, but a quick thinking resident drove their van at speed around the site in ever decreasing circles, creating a six-dimensional hole in the time continuum force field. This played havoc with the Tardi’s time warp navigation system and caused all eight vehicles to jump to the left and then step to the right, until the travellers gave up and headed to Pinnacle Park.
On arrival at Pinnacle Park several Time Lords were seen emerging from their craft, and an eyewitness described the scene “I saw them come out, take a good look round and then one of them shouted ‘This is no good. It’s Dullbridge. It’s too similar to our own partially destroyed home planet. Let’s go somewhere else, lads.’ and then they left.”
The Tardi disappeared into the stratosphere before trying to reappear in Barbara Cartland Park 15 minutes earlier.
A local resident said “Several of us residents put tin foil hats on our heads, linked arms and stood in a circle to form a human crop circle. It’s well known that Time Lords won’t materialise if they think there is alien activity in an area, because they don’t want to risk encountering Cybermen.”
A Police spokestruncheon told SomersetClive that they believed the Time Lords gave up at this point and were last seen spinning recklessly through the air, heading north. “Our officers will remain in the area this evening, but we can’t guarantee that the Time Travellers won’t try to materialise half an hour before we got here.”
Residents have been reminded to stay vigilant, but to remain calm and not to bother calling the police unless they see large numbers of silver wheelie bins congregating in the area.