Residents of the Smalltown Posh area of Smalltown are said to be ‘fumin’ after it was discovered that a former hotel on Barrow Road had been earmarked by the Government as a site to house illegal aliens.
Speaking to SomersetClive Barrow Road home owner Bryan Cocks said “It’s bad enough that there are already a number of care homes full of old people in the area, clogging up the GP surgeries and celebrating milestone birthdays with raucous parties, but to discover that the Home Office want to flood the area with illegal aliens is horrendous news.”
The news came to light after the owners of the hotel sought to subvert planning laws by claiming that a change of use from a hotel to a house of multiple occupancy by aliens is not a change of use and therefore planning permission is not required, instead they asked for a Certificate of Lawfulness to be issued.
However, the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Council (ANYUSCC) disagreed and has advised that planning permission is required. In effect all this means is that there will be a delay to the date that the illegal aliens can move in, as the Home Office waits for planning permission to be granted.
Another Barrow Resident, Patricia Moor said “This will have a devastating effect on property prices in the area. Having little green men popping up all over the place will be awful, this simply isn’t the right area for them. Why can’t they be housed in Dullbridge?”
However, resident Barry Vinegar spoke up for the aliens saying “They’ve been through a lot to get here and are fleeing horrendous conditions on their home planet. They deserve to have somewhere decent to live, although I’m not sure a former hotel in Smalltown is decent.
Wherever they go they face opposition. The public don’t like having aliens living amongst them so openly. It’s prejudice based on fear, just because their skin is green and they have massive long index fingers it doesn’t mean that they are different.
And it could be worse – the property owners could want to use the premises to house Chernobyl-by-Sea workers.”
It is understood that the Home Office had previously been working with SadgeBore District Council on a plan to purchase and house the aliens in the newly built, yet currently unoccupied, ‘Retirement Home Complex for Discerning Buyers‘, also known as Fuchers Folly in George Street, Smalltown, but quickly decided that using former hotels in Smalltown would be a cheaper option than purchasing the entire new-build apartment block.
It is expected that residents in the Smalltown Posh area will now mount an exhaustive campaign to strongly object to the planning application when it is lodged with ANYUSCC, and will be calling on their ward councillors, Squire Teflon and Smalltown’s (Previously) Most Popular Person, Cllr Jock McCads, to oppose it.
However, they are unlikely to get much help from Squire Teflon as he will want to see the application succeed, so that he can blame the BeFuddled Party and claim that if everyone had voted Illiberal this wouldn’t have happened .
Similarly, Cllr McCads is unlikely to be of much help as his head is currently under 6ft of sand as he tries to fight calls for his resignation, after being found guilty of sexual harassment charges.