Smalltown’s foremost soothsayer and shamen, Mystic Mick has consulted his runes and has been taking a look at what is in store for Smalltown and Dullbridge residents for the coming year.
January
Sadgebore District Council will fail to get any funding from the Government Levelling Up Fund for the Re-Imagine Dullbridge (RID) bid. A government spokesperson will say “The RIDbid showed a spectacular lack of imagination.”
Organisers Margo and Felicity Farmhouse-Kitchener announce that henceforth the Smalltown Cheese Festival will be rebranded as the Smalltown Super Sparkly Sultana Festival and will be dedicated to the sale of dried fruit products.
February
A Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Councillor will resign their position, after revealing that the pressure put on them by Headmistress Kelsey Dullard and her deputies Eugenie Sherry and Patsy Knickers to hand in homework on time, was “too much“. This will leave a spare seat on the Council and Squire Teflon will propose that his close-friend and employer Mistress Bones be invited to fill it. The BeFuddled Party appeal to ex-Councillor Fencesitter to find them another ex-teacher. Unfortunately there aren’t any ex-teachers left in either Smalltown or Dullbridge, so ex-Councillor Fencesitter becomes Cllr. Fencesitter once again. Several residents will confirm that “We’re doomed’“.
In a last ditch move before they close their doors for good, Sadgebore District Council approve planning permission for the construction of 9.4 million houses on every available green patch of land in and around Dullbridge.
March
Town Mayor and Headmistress Kelsey Dullard will consume her 94,000th cup of tea.
Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council’s White Elephant Enclosure Mismanagement Committee confirm that they have absolutely no idea what they are doing and agree to hand the WEE over to Dullbridge resident Mr Bert Tickle, 76.
Former children’s entertainer at Hellhole Holiday Park, Mr Tickle immediately contacts everyone who “owes him a favour” and work begins to turn the venue into a first class entertainment venue