The final part of the SomersetClive review of 2022.
October
Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council cancelled the eighth meeting since May, after declaring that “We enjoy the prestige of being Councillirs, but we can’t really be bothered with all the meetings“.
Headmistress and Town Mayor Kelsey Dullard tried to interest the youth of Smalltown and Dullbridge in attending a meeting with a view to setting up a Youth Council. The SaD youth declared their contempt for the idea by not turning up.
A further Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council initiative ‘Let’s Celebrate Climate Change’ proved to be similarly unsuccessful.
Margo and Felicity Farmhouse-Kitchener held their second successful Cheese Festival of 2022 in Smalltown, attracting the sort of visitor numbers that the Smalltown Shops (SS) group could only dream of.
November
Smalltown Carnivoo hit the headlines worldwide for all the wrong reasons after it emerged that an entry by the Easton-under-Water Pride group had been banned because it was deemed ‘offensive’ by the Smalltown Carnivoo Committee. Chairman Bill Old has since been in hiding, with his head in the sand, after refusing to issue a proper apology.
Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Councillors rejected a plan to hold an Intergalactic Food, Drink, Craft and Tat Marketfair, after Squire Teflon pointed out that it could negatively affect takings at his close-friend and employer Mistress Bones’ Newspaper and Tat Emporium.
Most of November was devoted to talking about the White Elephant Enclosure and how much residents were being asked to pay in subsidies, with residents opposed to the idea questioning how Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council could possibly even think of increasing Council Tax to pay for it whilst residents struggled with the Cost of Living Crisis. Councillors joined Carnivoo Chairman Bill Old by sticking their heads in the sand.
It wasn’t all bad news though, as Smalltown Chamber of Trade (SCOT) held a hugely successful Christmas Lights Switch On Event. Mistress Bones and Lady Brassy’s Smalltown Shops (SS) group’s all-day ‘A Winter War’ dragged on interminably.
The Christmas Light in Dullbridge was switched on a week later.
December
The decision by Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council to experiment with holding Council meetings in Dullbridge didn’t quite go to plan with 10 of the 18 councillors failing to turn up, leading to accusations that they don’t know where Dullbridge is. A familiar complaint levelled at Councillors by Dullbridge residents.
The Smalltown Culture and Arts Manager (SCAM) resigned from her position as part of a scheme cooked up between herself and Squire Teflon to be allowed to continue spending vast sums of money on the WEE. Squire Teflon later stated that the SCAM had been the “Most Magnificent Employee in the Universe” and suggested that if the BeFuddled Party Councillors were to issue an apology and a salary increase she may be persuaded to stay.
Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Mayor and Headmistress Kelsey Dullard released her own cure for insomnia in the form of her Christmas Message to residents.
The SomersetClive Pantomime ‘The Princess and the Forty Thieves‘ opened to rave reviews and sell out audiences every night, leading some commentators to suggest that had it been performed at the White Elephant Enclosure it could have solved the deficit problem instantly.