Part Two of the SomersetClive look back at 2022.
April
April Fool’s Day saw SomersetClive attempt to trick readers into believing that The White Elephant Enclosure had made a profit. No one fell for it.
The Smalltown Head of Accounts and Malfeasance resigned, claiming that she was unable to cook the books to the extent that Squire Teflon required.
A mysterious fire broke out at Cllr. Dick Trolley’s PhotoShop Shop, with firemen battling to control the flames. It later emerged that the fire had broken out in a room being used to store Illiberal Party election leaflets, with a Fire Service spokeshose saying “So there was no great loss.”
Most of the month of April was taken up with details of the candidates standing for election to both Smalltown and Dullbridge Town and the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Councils. It was boring enough at the time, so we won’t force you to relive it.
Finally, the end of the month saw the Smalltown and Dullbridge Smalltown Administration Deputy (SaDSAD) hand in her notice, meaning that all senior members of staff at Hayloft Road Palace had left their positions.
May
The results of the elections were announced, with the BeFuddled Party securing control of both Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council and the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Council. Mistress Bones failed in her attempt to increase her salary with a seat on either council and the results also revealed that the Squire had not only lost Al his chairs but had been usurped by Cllr. Jock McCads as ‘Smalltown’s Most Popular Person’.
The BeFuddled Party immediately renamed and repurposed Hayloft Road Palace as the ‘Hayloft Road Palace Retirement Home for Bemused and Bewildered BeFuddled Party ex-Teachers (and Others) and set about cancelling any scheduled meetings on the grounds that they didn’t believe they were ready to assume control of the staff room just yet.
Sadgebore District Council announced that they were applying to the government for funding for their Re-Imagine Dullbridge (RID) bid. The scheme involved planting trees to replace those which have been lost thanks to Sadgebore’s policy of granting planning permission to ant developments on green land in Dullbridge, and removing car parking spaces in an attempt to make it even harder for traders in the town to make a profit.
June
Lady Brassy of Easton-under-Water and Squire Teflon’s close friend Mistress Bones’ Smalltown Shops (SS) group kicked off celebrations with the Jubilee Junket. However, the proposal to bribe residents into Main Street with the promise of FREE cake led to several complaints after it emerged that the offer only applied if people purchased a cup of tea first.
The Smalltown Chamber of Trade (SCOT) held their Classic Boat Race a few days later and this was hailed as a success, despite absolutely no FREE cake being on offer.
Four members of Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council found themselves in detention after they arrived late for the first Full Town Council meeting at the Hayloft Road Palace Retirement Home for Bemused and Bewildered BeFuddled Party ex-Teachers (and Others), with Headmistress and Town Mayor, Kelsey Dullard, saying that their excuse – “We didn’t know which classroom we were supposed to be in” was “simply not good enough.“.
LIDILS reported that sales of Albanian Whiskey had gone through the roof after it emerged that Squire Teflon had lost another chair.