CliveNation in conjunction with SomersetClive is proud to present the Christmas Pantomime, with an all-star cast and seats more comfortable than those at the White Elephant Enclosure, we invite you to join us for an amateur production of the world premiere of The Princess and the Forty Thieves. Showing thrice daily.
Our story opens deep in the heart of Somerset, where the Squire of Teflon rules the sleepy little villages of Smallvillia and Dullford with a rod. Of iron.
The Squire is used to getting his own way and woe-betide anyone who foils his plans for the Squire is not to be crossed.
The Squire purchased a Princess from Baron McGoat for a single gold coin many years ago and since then the villagers of Smallvillia and Dullford have paid through the nose for this folly.
Princess Wranglers have been and gone, trying to tame the Princess and bring her spending under control, but to no avail. What can be done?
Finale
The audience are invited to join in with the singalong.
Everyone –
LoopySquireFragileEgoExChairIreIsFerocious
Add to which his behaviour,
Is something quite atrocious.
When he drinks enough whisky,
He becomes quite stocious,
LoopySquireFragileEgoExChairIreIsFerocious
When he was a younger man,
He watched Nelson Jones.
“Teach me everything you can,
Leave unturned no stones.”
But one day the village turned,
And soon began to shout,
‘Squire, your Princess we have spurned,
And next we want you out.”
LoopySquireFragileEgoExChairIreIsFerocious
Add to which his behaviour,
Is something quite atrocious.
When he drinks enough whisky,
He becomes quite stocious,
LoopySquireFragileEgoExChairIreIsFerocious
He ruled the village where no one dared to question a single cent,
Until the BeFuddleds came to power and questioned what he’d spent,
On Princesses, Ice Rinks, an Iron Arch and other events,
The spending made no sense.
LoopySquireFragileEgoExChairIreIsFerocious
Add to which his behaviour,
Is something quite atrocious.
When he drinks enough whisky,
He becomes quite stocious,
LoopySquireFragileEgoExChairIreIsFerocious
So now the Squire’s lost his shine,
Will the BeFuddleds find their spine?
Will they make use of their power?
Or from a decision will they cower?
Everyone is hoping they will take the chance,
To finally end the Squire’s merry dance.
Oh LoopySquireFragileEgoExChairIreIsFerocious
Add to which his behaviour,
Is something quite atrocious.
When he drinks enough whisky,
He becomes quite stocious,
LoopySquireFragileEgoExChairIreIsFerocious
LoopySquireFragileEgoExChairIreIsFerocious
LoopySquireFragileEgoExChairIreIsFerocious.
Fairy Godmother – Right. Shall we all have a lovely cup of tea?
Curtain falls. Audience breaks out in rapturous applause. Flowers are thrown into the stage and there are calls of ‘Author! Author!’
Your humble reporter stumbles onto the stage to receive the plaudits. “Steve! Steve!” the audience roar, tears streaming down their faces as they realise they have witnessed something truly amazing.
Editor – Steve! Steve! STEVE! Have you been asleep at your desk since Christmas Day? I told you not to overdo those chocolate liquors, didn’t I? And I distinctly remember telling you that cheese would give you nightmares.
I hope you didn’t put any coal on that fire. It’s very expensive and your salary doesn’t cover extra coal. Now, stop mucking about – get out there and find me some news.